Reminiscing

For some reason I'm really thinking about Ben tonight.  I don't have a clue why, but I am.  I just can't help playing that day over in my head.  We had a party in first block.  He found a brownie cupcake thing in his chair, and we couldn't figure out where it came from.  We couldn't even figure out if it was a brownie or a cupcake.  He talked about my link boots.  I was wearing them that day.  I haven't worn them since, actually.  He liked them a lot, and you would think that would make me wear them more, but I just can't.

He played Magic with Minor.  I watched a little bit.  He offered to teach me how to play.  Since I liked him, I told him it was a great idea.  After drama was over, I didn't really see him again until fourth block.  I was in the library, as usual, and so was his class.  He and Rachel Finch showed me the Pacman game on google.  I told him I was going to steal his sand gourd.  And I commented to Morgan about how he looked like an emo kid.

I'm not going to go into the things I should've done differently, because I go over them in my head all the time.  I'm tired of feeling guilty.  I know I can't be the only one, but sometimes I feel like I am. 

God, I miss him so much.