Dear 2010 (Hate Mail)

Dear 2010,

I'm not going to lie.  I didn't hate everything about you.  But I would redo you completely in a heartbeat.  There were good things, I got my permit, I became better friends with Sydney, I got accepted into college, and I discovered who my true friends are.  But there were far more things that were simply awful, some things that I can never forgive you for.

You took Ben away from us.  Not your fault, exactly, but you are the year that happened in, so you get some of the blame.  You almost killed my best friend.  This was the year that Joseph totalled that car.  Ask anyone, the damage that was done to that car makes him lucky to be alive.  I performed for the last time at ECHS.  I made a guy cheat on his girlfriend.  And I did so many other things that I regret so much.  tiny, insignificant things, and things with huge impacts on my life, and probably my friend's lives.

So, 2010, I'm not a fan of you, and I hope to whatever deity may be out there that 2011 is better.  Because if it's not...I just hope it is.

Sincerely,
Me.

Hello Again Friend of A Friend

"Black Sheep" from Scott Pilgrim.

I know, I know, second post of the day, but this morning's post was special circumstance.  Anyway, I went shopping today.  And that's pretty much the point of this blog.  Because I enjoy recounting the things I buy, for whatever reason, so feel free to just skip this one...

Anyway, so I got a twenty-five dollar Hot Topic card from one of my aunts for Christmas.  Let me just say, Hot Topic sucks nowadays.  I was going to buy a CD or two, but no.  Because they didn't have anything worth buying.  I ended up only spending about ten bucks on a couple fo those AP mini magazine things, mostly because one was A Day To Remember, and the other one had a Mike Posner bracelet in it, which I am wearing now.  Then I went to FYE, where I finally bought the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack, and it is boss!  I also bought The Script's CD, which is also pretty good.  After that we went to ye olde Wal-Mart, where I got Beneath It All, by Hey Monday, and Punk Goes Pop Volume.  Both of those are epic.

Yeah...so...That was pretty much it.  Just wanted to do that...'Cause I'm weird.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This...

"Sweet Dreams" by The Eurythmics.  Or, if you're more into it, Marilyn Manson.  But his version is just scary as hell.

Anyway, so I'm up blogging this early because I had a terrible dream.  It was another of those not exactly a nightmare by definition but still pretty damn scary dreams.

I'm fuzzy on the beginning of it, but I know I met a guy.  I don't remember what his name was, but he looked just like Jared.  I think he only looked just like Jared to me though, because I had a conversation with somebody in the dream and when I mentioned they looked like twins whoever it was looked at me like I was crazy.

Anyway, at some point we drove this guy's truck down to the creek that really exsists in the woods behind my house.  The truck looked suspisciouslly like Tony's, but I won't delve into that.  Anyway, so we were done at the creek, and my g-pa showed up.  Keep in mind he's certifiably off-his-medication crazy in real life, and that I have a deep seated fear I'll be like that when I get older.  Anyway, he shows up and starts freaking out thinking the guy has kidnapped me or something, and he pulls out a gun and starts shooting at him, so we drive off.  Nothing but the truck got shot, so that wasn't the scary part.  The scary part was when the guy told me he couldn't be with me anymore because of the crazyness.

I guess to anyone else that wouldn't seem like a nightmare, but to me it is.  I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to develop what my g-pa has, and i'm so scared that everyone I love will leave me because of it.

When I woke up the first thought that came to my head was literally "This disease is always going to come between me and the people I love."

My hands are shaking so much right now.  I mean, I know that dreams don't necessarily mean anything, but they don't necessarily mean nothing at the same time.   So I'm scared.

'Cause She's So High, High Above Me...

"She's So High" by Tal Bachman.  Good 90's era song.

So...today was the big day.  My birthday.

Let's start with yesterday though.  We went to Bowling Green, and that's when Mom got my gift.  Actually, gifts.  Yeah, this year I got two, which for someone whose birthday is so close to Christmas, that's amazing.  I got these really bitchin' headphones from Hot Topic.  They have hamburgers on the earpieces, and the part that connects them says "Nom Nom Nom."  They sound really good too.  They also got me a hoodie Western that fits me really well.  Also, with my quickly dwindling Christmas money, I bought Scott Pilgrim, The Collector, and The Boondock Saints.

Anyway, so today.  At midnight, my phone and facebook blew up with people trying to be the first to tell me happy birthday.  It was ridiculous.  Daniel got it simply for the fact that I was on the phone with him when the clock struck midnight.  And throughout the rest of the day people continued to tell me happy birthday.  I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed it.  I ended up not getting my industrial pierced today, seeing as Outer Loop won't have a piercer until Thursday.  I don't know why, they just won't.  So I ended up not going anywhere.  I'm going to make up for that later in the week though, I'm going to go see True Grit or Love & Other Drugs with some people.  Maybe How Do You Know, that movie looks funny.

Now on to what pisses me off.  Jared.  He actually told me happy birthday on my facebook wall, which surprised me, but he didn't bother to respond to the text i sent him later.  You would've thought he could've at least managed to today, seeing as it was only my 18th birthday.  I guess that's a no biggie to him though.

Christmas Time Is Here...

That's from that one song that they play on Charlie Brown.  I don't really know what it's called, and then again, I don't really care.

So, first of all, to anyone reading this, Merry Christmas.  And all that jazz.  Soo...just 'cause I can, I shall recap to you this morning's events.  Because I'm sure you're sitting on the edge of your seats, racked with anticipation, because you want to know what I got for Christmas.  And yes, I can be a smart ass.

Well, actually I'll start with last night.  I opened my Christmas eve present to find that my Mother had bought me the Eeyore stuffed animal I was just dying to have.  I thought she hadn't, because my G-ma had given me the Tigger one, so I assumed she couldn't find it but there it was.  I find that funny because I'm going to be 18 the day after tomorrow and I got Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals for Christmas because I wanted them.  Also it started to snow.  A lot.  It was A Christmas Story on TBS.  Because we love that movie.  Then I went to bed...

...And woke up this morning at 4:30.  Yeah, I know.  Anyway, I didn't actually get out of bed until about five, because I knew my parents would just make me go back to bed if I got up that early anyway.  But I digress.  Santa was kind of skimpy this year.  I mean, I got the same amount of stuff, but most of it was wrapped.  However, Santa did leave me a 2011 Buffy calendar and a TSC donkey that was really cute.  And of course, my stocking, which had some candy, a Piglet figurine type thing, a 25 dollar itunes card, whcih I've already used at least half of, and one of those weird gelly watches that are the hot thing.  And then we got to the presents.

I got Breaking Benjamin's "Dear Agony," A Day To Remember's "For Those Who Have Heart," The Glee Christmas CD, Rocky Horror Glee, volumes five and six of buffy season eight, the venture brothers season one, and, drumroll please....[insert drumroll here]...a stereo!  Yes, the giant box in my living room turned out to be none other than the stereo I wanted.  Of course, I figured that the whole time, but my goofy parents insisted on telling me daily about all the Justin Bieber stuff they'd found and crammed into that box.  But it was actually a stereo, and it sounds absolutely killer.  It makes me happy.

Anyway, I just though I'd give you that recap, and by the way one year ago tonight was the first time I blogged from my laptop.  Quite a few blogs since then, huh?  Anyway, I think we're going shopping tomorrow, and then I'm going with Joseph and Erin to get my industrial pierced on my birthday.  I might arrange it so I go with them during the day so I can go to a movie with Daniel that night, we haven't hung out in forever, and he said if we go on my birthday he'll buy my ticket, which is always a win.

Anywhoo, as I said earlier, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.

Christmas Wrappings Part 2

So...I spent over half of my money today.  I bought my Dad Starship Troopers on DVD.  That was before we even managed to get to Bowling Green.  Here's a run through of what I bought.  I got two Boondock Saint's t-shirts Spencer's, a purse that has speakers at Journey's, a necklace and two rings at Forever 21, and Despicable Me and a Spiderman shirt at Wal-Mart.  I managged to spend a lot.

Also we had Christmas at the g-ma's tonight.  I +.got a stuffed Tigger, the Neon Trees CD, the Glee volume 4 CD, an I Only Date Superheroes purse, and a beautiful jewlery box that I sorely needed.  This one is huge, especially compared to my old one, and some earbuds in my stocking.  We also managed to convince her to give me my birthday gift early, which was a Barnes and Noble giftcard worth 25 dollars.  So I now have fifty for there.

Just though I'd update you.

Deck Those Halls, Trim Those Trees

"Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses.  Good song.

Anyway, we're going to get my laptop today.  It came in yesterday but Mom didn't tell me because she new UPS was coming and our dog likes to try to eat the UPS people.  But we're getting it today, and Christmas with my G-ma is tonight.  I kinda think she got me the fish tank I wanted.

Anyway, I'm blogging because I had one of the worst dreams of my life.  Once again, as with two of the other worst dreams of my life, is was a fairly good dream while I was having it.  The other two being the one where me and Aaron finally got together (during the Aaron craze of course) and I had one right after Ben died that was all about how it was a big joke and he was ok.  This one was about Tony.  Who I try my damndest not to think about.  In the dream he came back to school, and the instant I saw him I felt things in the pit of my stomach that were so strong I'm sure I would have felt them if I was awake, things that make me want to hate myself.  He told me he wanted to get back with me though.  And then I woke up.

I hate dreams like that, because now I feel betrayed by my heart and soul, and I know that sounds incredibly lame, even for me, but it's completely true.

10,000 Watts of Christmas Cheer

That's a song called either "10,000 Watts" or "10,000 Watts of Christmas Cheer" I'm not sure which.  By a band called Crystal Antlers I think.  You can get it for free on Target's website, if you go download a zip reader.  There are some songs well worth it though, such as that one.

Anyway, so a lot has happened since I last blogged.  First of all, I still don't have my laptop back, so I'm on the desktop, which I loathe.  But it's better than nothing.  We're hoping it gets back to Best Buy tomorrow morning so we can go pick it up.  It's already been shipped back, so we're expecting it will get there.  But I digress.

So we ended up only going to school one day last week, and we went on Friday, which was a half day.  So, to make up finals and such, the first week of the new semester is going to pretend it's the last week of the second semester.  After that week we'll be in our regularly scheduled classes, with a week tacked onto the end to make up for the one we missed.  I don't recall if I told you what I got everyone for Christmas, so feel free to skip this part if I already have.  I got Morgan the West Side Story soundtrack on vinyl, Reptar school supplies, and a Reptar slap bracelet.  I got Sydney the Burlesque soundtrack, I got John some Phineas & Ferb pins, I got Ashton some peace sign earrings, I got Erin a musical charms bracelet, and I got Jared a ninja turtle hat, which he loved.

Speaking of Jared...  Things can get so complicated so fast.  It's crazy.  It turns out he likes me.  Which is good.  Except he also likes this other girl.  He says he likes me more than the other girl, but that they aren't as close friends and that gives her the upper hand because he hates dating his close friends.  But he got me a really sweet Christmas present.  He got me the Charlie Brown holiday movie box set thing.  And if you don't know, I LOVE the Charlie Brown stuff.  A lot.  I haven't really talked to him since Saturday night though.  He told me he had a lot of thinking to do, and that's also when he had told me about the other girl.  I don't know who she is for sure, but I have a pretty good guess that I would put money on if it came to that.

On to other things.  I had Christmas with my Dad's mom Saturday night.  She's the one that's not around all that much, and therefore doesn't know me all that well, but she did pretty good this year.  I got a Kathy Van Zeeland purse, which is apparently a big brand, considering that she name dropped it like crazy when I opened it and the price tag says it was ninety dollars.  I'm guessing she got it on sale, but still.  It's really cute though, it's got subdued zebra, snake, and leopard print on it, and it's kind of a greyish silvery color.  I also got a fifty dollar bill, twenty-five in Wal-Mart and twenty-five in Barnes and Noble giftcards.  And a kitten.  True story.  She's the sweetest little thing you've ever laid eyes on.  She's grey and white, mostly grey, and she likes to eat your fingers.  My g-ma had named her Angel, and if I don't think of something better in the next couple of days I'm sticking with it.  Although she is anything but.

Thursday is Christmas with my Mom's mom, and then on Christmas Eve my Dad's dad is coming over.  He already gave us our presents this weekend, a check for $125 each.  But we haven't given him his stuff yet.  And then Christmas of course.  We might be staying home this year, and I honestly really hope we do.  That's probably terrible of me, because that means we won't see our family, but that's exactly why I want to stay home.  After Christmas is my birthday, obviously.  I'm going with Joseph and Erin to get my industrial pierced, for which Joseph is paying, after that whole prom debacle last spring.

But, if I don't blog before Christmas, have a merry one.  Over and out.

Another Six Months I'll Be Unknown

From "Adam's Song" by Blink-182.  Great song.

Anyway, not much to report.  I finally watched the Boondock Saints and I loved it.  I also watched Toy Story 3 last ngiht, and cried a little.

But that's not the point of this blog.  I'm blogging because I don't know how long it's going to be until my next one, and I thought I should warn you.  My CD drive has been messed up for a while, and my warranty expires on the 23rd, so of course we waited last minute.  Anyway, we're taking to Best Buy today so they can fix it, and I have no idea how long it will take.

Just thought you should know.  See you eventually.

I Hate The Ending Myself, But It Started With An All Right Scene...

From "Disenchanted" by My Chemical Romance.  I actually don't like the song that much, but I love that line.

So, recap of the week.  Monday in drama we found out that administration thinks we have too much shit, and we have to stop using the prop hall, because god forbid the drama class uses the auditorium.  That just pisses me off.  But anyway, we obliged, and I got put in charge of getting everything moved form the Prop Hall into the prop hall closet, which, although it is half the size of the prop hall, we somehow had to fit in all of the stuff already in it, and all the stuff form the prop hall.  But I did it, and I did a damn fine job of it too.

Since then in drama we've watched Monty Python and played reindeer games.  On Friday we split into groups lead by us drama four kids, and we rehearsed skits that we were going to do tomorrow, but tomorrow's already been snowed out, so I guess we're going to do them on Tuesday, or whenever we get back.  John Kinsey found my skit, and it's pretty funny, but I not funny enough I'm going to type out a description, because I'm lazy.

We had a party in Floral Design on Thursday, and it was fun, although Daniel missed it because he's been pretty sick the last little bit.  Nothing particularly good happened in Psychology or Science.  I read The Hunger Games, and it was amazing.

This weekend we went to Owensboro to shop.  I got almost all of my Christmas shopping done.  I got Morgan the West Side Story soundtrack on vinyl for, get this, 45 cents.  True story.  They have this place called the Book & Music Exchange, and it makes The Great Escape look pitiful.  that place is awesome.  Anyway, I got her that, and some Reptar stuff at Hot Topic.  I got Katelynn some nail polish, which she is also getting me, I got Sydney the Burlesque soundtrack, and I got Erin a bracelet that's got music charms on it.  Mom's picking Ashton up some earrings, and John Kinsey a hat, and I ordered Joseph a movie.  So, pretty much done except for my parents.

I've Tasted Blood And I Want More (More, More, More)

"Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me" from Rocky Horror of course.

So I went to the other production of 12th Night last night.  I sold tickets so I wouldn't have to pay to get in, and so I could stay for the cast party.  I sold them with Brooklyn and John, so we definitely had fun.  And the first two acts of the play were good, and so was act five, but I didn't see the rest.  Me and John walked around the school and went in Dooley's room to listen to music and talk and stuff.  And the cast party was fun too, although I made Ashton cry, which made John cry again, and it was a big mess.  That was my last cast party though.  It's just so incredibly crazy to think that.

It's Curtain Call, I'm About To Take My Last Bow...

"Calling All Cars" by Senses Fail.  Good song.  True story.

So, last night was one of the saddest nights of my life.  I performed for the very last time on Edmonson County High School's stage.  I'll start from the beginning.

After school Robert, Erin's boyfriend, drove me and her to Dairy Queen to meet up with everybody.  I, of course, made everybody sad by pointing out that that was my very last pre-show Dairy Queen trip.  Then we went back and got ready for the play and all that jazz, and then we did warm-ups.  Aaron let me lead them since they would be my last.  Then, when they were over and we were standing there all holding hands, Dooley let me say a few words, and I thanked everyone for helping make drama what it was for me.  John, Erica, and Erin cried.

Then we did the play.  I was incredible.  I put more emotion into it then I ever had before, because I knew it was the last chance I had to impress people.  And then it was over.  The seniors got up on the bower for our bow, and we called Aaron up there to give him his Director's candy, and Dooley up there for her flowers.  I stepped off stage and I just started crying.  It was ridiculous.  It didn't help that I literally began and ended my acting career on that bower.

But of course when people saw me crying they cried too.  And I got A LOT of hugs.  A lot.  It's so hard though.  I'm never going to do that again.  That's what all four years of high school have centered around for me, and I can barely imagine not doing it again.  And that auditorium has so much history for me.  I got my first kiss there, I got asked to prom there, I almost made a guy cheat on his girlfriend there, I've done so many things there.  Met so many people, made so many friends, made so many enemies.  And now it's over.

I had a great run though.  30 Reasons Not To Be In A Play, Romeo You Idiot, The Least Offensive Play In The Whole Darn World, Our Town, 12 Angry Women, How To Succeed In High School Without Really Trying, and 12th Night.  Not counting doing things here and there for The Lion King, Tom Sawyer, and The Complete History of America Abridged.  And all the shows I've seen there, The Weird Sisters, A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon, 12 Angry Men, Check Please Take 3, and the other version of 12th Night, plus School house Rock Live and Beauty & The Beast next semester, and drama camp last year.

So many memories.

Outside There's A Boxcar Waiting...

The Pixies / Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "Here Comes Your Man."  Download The Pixies, go watch 500 Days of Summer.

You know, Now & Laters are just really cheap Starburst.  Blah.  Anyway.

I've had an extremely eventful day, the majority of which...actually, all of which, I can't even talk about on here for fear someone from school will read it.  But it makes me happy, and it's not even about me, for the most part.

I just had to get that off my chest.  The happiness, obviously, not what actually happened...

:(

The vet had to put Ariel to sleep.  She apparently had cancer, and it was really bad.  There was nothing he could do for her.

Mom and Dad picked her up today.  They buried her in the backyard.  I couldn't be out there when they did it.  Well, I could, but I didn't want to be.  while they were gone I talked to Luna.  It sounds stupid, but I don't know how much she understands.  I told her that Ariel wasn't going to come back and I just started to cry.  Luna just looked at me.  I don't think she understood, but I had to try.  I had to.

Can I Be The Only Hope For You? Because You're The Only Hope For Me.

"The Only Hope For Me Is You" by My Chemical Romance off the spectacular new Danger Days.  I suggest you go legally download this one, seeing as A. My Chemical Romance deserves your money, and B. Limewire doesn'te exist anymore anyway.  So pay for this one people, it's well worth your money and you're gonna be hard pressed to get it otherwise anyway.

So, today, instead of going Black Friday shopping like a normal person, I went to the vet.  Ariel is sick.  We don't know what's wrong with her, although the vet says he thinks it's some kind of infection.  I hope that's all it is because those are treatable, and I love Ariel and I really don't want her to die.  I know that sounds lame because she's just a cat, but I'm one of those people that care about their animals like they're a member of the family.  Because for us, they are.  They're keeping her overnight, and probably until Monday, if not longer.

We also went to Wal-Mart in hopes of finding 27 Dresses for $1.96, but they were out since we got there around eleven.  They had Batman Begins for that price though, and X-Men Origins for five bucks, so I'm still pretty happy about that.

I'm going to the parade tomorrow, but I don't know who I'm going to hang out with.  I'm going to have to figure that out, and figure it out soon.

Lookit!

I just like saying that.

Anyway, wow!  Two days in a row!  You guys must feel really lucky.  Or maybe not, but I can pretend.

So today was Turkey Day.  Nothing particularly interesting happened I don't think.  I watched the parade this morning, which I mostly just yelled at, since they spent most of the time talking to random ass people that had nothing to do with anything, but I digress.  We stayed at home this year, which was perfectly fine with me.  The food was pretty good too.  After we ate we ended up going to Leitchfield, but we just went to Dollar Store and Wal-Mart, since it was Leitchfield and that's basically all they have anyway.  I got Marley And Me for a buck twenty five, so I suppose it was a trip well spent.

Yeah, the whole point of this blog was to help get me back in the routine of blogging at least more than the twice a month that I've been pulling for the past few months.  So, signing off.

I'm So Glad You Love Me...

'Cause...I totally haven't been on in y'know...Over a month.

So...I guess this is going to be the recap to end all recaps...

Well, lets talk about Halloween.  I don't recall if I mentioned this before, but me, Joseph, Nikki, Taylor, and Daniel dressed up as the Scooby Gang.  I was Velma and they were Shaggy, Daphne, Scooby, and Fred, respectively.  We didn't win of course, because it was rigged (not joking) but we still had fun.  We had planned on going trick r treating, but last minute everyone decided not to.  However, the night ebfore Halloween, the night when we would've been trick r treating since Halloween was on a Sunday, Jared took me and his friend Candace to Skeleton's Lair.  It wasn't as good the second time, but it was still fun.

Halloween night I went to Rocky Horror with Joseph and Sydney, and had a ridiculous amount of fun.  We made fun of Sara, because she looked like a whore and acted like a dumbass.  Also, we got to see Angela Lawler fake an orgasm on stage.  That was pretty damn hilarious.  And Sydney made out with the girl who was playing Magenta, that was just epic.

Since then not much has happened.  I watched a few movies, Paranormal Activity 2, Saw 3D, and Harry Potter,  Taylor and Zac started dating, as did Joseph and Nikki (finally!), and the play is coming along well.  It's on the 2nd, and we don't know all our lines, but it won't be another 12 Angry Men/Women.  It'll work out.

Also, I got Danger Days yesterday and it is absolutely fantabulous.  True story.

Drum Roll Please...

So, after three days of grueling auditions, I have some damn good news...

I got Antonia. 

Now some more good news.

I got Antonia in Aaron's show.

Now those of you who've read Twelfth Night may be wondering who Antonia is.  Well, you know that guy, Antonio that saves Sebastion from the ship wreck?  Yeah.  We've made him a her.  I wanted this part so much.  It's Ashton in Rachel's play.  Here, I'll just link you the cast list.

http://mrtg.edmonson.k12.ky.us/blogs/jdooley/

This makes me very happy. :D

Her Tears Like Diamonds On The Floor

"Her Diamonds," by Mr. Rob Thomas himself.  I swear I will marry that man one day.

Not much has happened, but I'm bored and therefore blogging.  I hung out with my peeps Thursday night in the standard Kyrock/Tailwaters way.  We hung out at Abby's for a bit first, but other that it was completely normal.  At Kyrock we were on the swings, me facing the creepy house and everyone else facing the playground.  So, me and Joseph texted a plan, and it was so funny.  When Other Morgan and Daniel weren't paying attention, I let out a Scream Queen scream to die for and started running towards the cars.  They were with me before they even realized what had happened, and it was so funny.

Since then I haven't really done anything.  Everyone ended up not going to the Massacre last night, which is kind of fine by me because it turns out there are a lot of crawling places.  I don't do crawling.  School starts tomorrow...  I don't suppose that's awful, I've been bored the past couple of days anyway..

What Hurts The Most...Is Being So Close...

Rascall Flatts.  One of the two country songs I like, the other being "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum.  But for all you violently opposed to country, which is me 98% of the time, Cascada has a version that's not to shoddy.

Anyway, I've had a good past couple of days.  Tuesday I went to Leitchfield, of course, because it was Tuesday, which is the holy day of shopping.  Sadly, it's also the first week of the month which meant the idiots were out in full force because their Wic and other such things got renewed.

I got three books though.  I got the Charlie St. Cloud book, which looks pretty good, Kisses Are From Hell, which is the fourth book in a series of teenage supernatural short story books, and a book called Bloodthirsty, which is basically a thinly veiled manifesto on how Twilight is affecting America.  It's about this teenage guy whose high school is obsessed with a vampire romance novel called Bloodthirsty.  Since he can't get a girl, he pretends to be a vampire, and of course the girls go nuts over him.  It sounds really good.

Yesterday I didn't do a thing until we had to go get my senior pictures.  Personally, I don't care for them.  But, whatever.  They all make me look fat, and that's why I wanted Sara Yokely to do them.  But Mom made me get them from Scott Skaggs for whatever reason.  But that's not the point.  After I left Scott Skagg's Jared picked me up at Jet Stop and we drove around until Morgan was done with whatever and then we went over there, where we attempted to watch 30 Days of Night: Dark Days.  However, Morgan and I were not interested in it and we kind of just talked through the whole thing.  Jared got quite annoyed with us, and at one point he threw his phone at me.  I wouldn't give it back and he tackled me.  Wash, rinse, repeat five times.  It was funny.

Eventually we got bored with trying to watch the movie so we went "for a drive."  We actually went to Glasgow and then Leitchfield.    We saw Nicholas at Leitchfield, and that was cool because I hadn't seen him in a while.  Also Morgan and Jared had never been to Leitchfield, so that was amusing.  We ended up playing frisbee in the clearance aisles, which was fun.  Midnight Wal-Marting is my new favorite thing to do I think.

Dearest, I'm Sorry

Picture Me Broken.  I only picked that because it's what I'm downloading right now...

Anyway, so at least this time it's only been a handful of days since my last post, instead of nearly a month.

I didn't go anywhere until Friday.  Me and Ponyboy went to college!  We decided to spend the day at Western with Morgan.  It was pretty fun, except I had tog et up at 5:30 in the freaking morning.  We ate breakfast at DUC, and then she went to her class.  While she was in class we went and sat on these fantastic old stone bleachers right outside the building her class was in.  After that we got some food, and went to the mall.  She had to be home by three, so she took us abck to Jet Stop, where Daniel had left his car, and the two of us went to the Tailwaters, where Joseph met us. 

The tailwaters are always fun.  I drove Joseph's truck around and I was doing fine until I had to park it.  I'm not so good at that part.  We even climbed up the dam.  After that we went to Taylor's.  Me, Joseph, Daniel, Taylor, James, Katherine, and John went to Skeleton's Lair, which, let me tell you, is so worth the eighteen bucks it costs to get in.  There's always someone in a group that the people that work there decide to pick on, and on the way there we were taking bets on who it would be.  Most of us bet on John.  Nope.  Me.  It was scary as hell.  At one point I started muttering to myself  "They can't touch you, they can't touch you."  Apparently Taylor thought I was going to hyperventilate and die.  I got through it alive though, and maybe only a little worse for the wear.  After we left Skeleton's Lair we went back to Taylor's where we hung out until about one in the morning.

I didn't do anything Saturday until the middle of the night, actually.  Around midnight Joseph was texting me trying to get me to go to Wal-Mart with him, Abby, Daniel, and this guy Matt.  I woke mom up and told her that Abby was really upset about something and wanted me to come spend the night.  Worked like a charm, and a few minutes later we were on our way.  We ended up going to sleep around five the next morning.  Joseph and I slept on the loveseat and he tried to molest me again.  Apparently he is a huge sleep creeper.

We ended uo walking aorund the woods yesterday morning ebcause we were looking for cows.  We didn't find any, but we did get to see Matt climb a tree like a ninja.  Also, Joseph decided to knock down several dead trees.  It was pretty funny.  Later we all went home to get clothes and stuff, and then we went back about an hour later.  Other Morgan showed up too.  We mostly just goofed off the whole time.  Abby told Joseph she'd give him a dollar if he'd jump in her pool in just his underwear.  Her pool hasn't been cleaned in months, and the temperature's been getting colder and colder lately.  But he did it.  For a lowly dollar.  Later that night we built a fire and sat around it and played Never Ever Have I Ever.  I won the first game, lost the second.  This morning we watched movies and played cards.  And now I'm home with nothing to do...

So...Recap Time...

So...I've been a bad girl.

First of all, I mostly have a good reason for neglecting to post these last twenty something days.  I've been really really busy.

Ok, so in the first week of absenteeism, Morgan had her birthday and I bought a zebra hat.  It's a very darling hat, and I love it very much.  Also, Daniel, Other Morgan, Joseph, and I discovered our new favorite pastime.  Going to Barnes & Noble and reading gay erotica to each other.  True story.  I promise it's not as awkward as it sounds.

At the end of that week I went with Daniel, Nikki, Joseph, and Nikki's then-boyfriend Josh to see Resident Evil 4.  More on Josh in a minute.  Resi 4 was not too good.  For one thing, and I suppose it's because of my eye sight, but 3D just does not work on me.  I would see the occassional thing, and that was it.  It wasn't the bad 3D that made it not good though.  It was mostly plotless.  They spent the entire movie trying to get to a boat that didn't really make sense anyway.  Also, there were no zombies, just these things that had faces that turned into octopusses.  All in all it was really disappointing.

Now, on to Josh.  I may have mentioned him before, I'm not sure.  Anyway, he was dating Nikki, and he is literally the nicest person I've ever met.  Joseph managed to explode a coke all over the backseat of Josh's Mustang, and all Josh said was "Oh, your pants."  Anyway, Nikki broke up with him for Andy.  Yeah.  ANDY.  And poor Josh was pretty heartbroken about it.

Which leads me to the next week.  The fair!  Yay!  Anyway, I went on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Josh was there for Wednesday and Friday.  Nikki got pissed at us for inviting him, but as I mentioned before, he really is a great guy.  We weren't going to not hang out with him because she broke up with him, we liked him too much.  She got over it though.  On fair day Taylor picked me up for the parade, since we rode the senior float.  I managed to throw a peppermint into a guy's pocket.  It was pretty epic.  After that me and Joseph went to Bowling Green with Tiffany and her mom.  Then we went back to the fair around noon, where we stayed until ten or eleven.

Lots of shit happened that day.  First of all, Tiffany, uber whore that she is, seduced a fourteen year old.  Also, she met Josh, which of course meant she had to sink her claws into him.  She's been texting him ever since then, and he thinks she's nasty.  She even told Austin that he wants to fuck her,  I told him about it and he then made it very clear he was not interested in her.

Now, on the the next week, which would be last week.  I was literally home on Wednesday.  I didn't go anywhere that night, but I did the rest of them.  Monday night I hung out with Mr. Belvedere (Joseph) and Ponyboy (Daniel) down at the tailwaters.  Tuesday night Joseph, Morgan, and I went to BG, where all we did was go to Cole and Nick's apartment.  More on that later.  Thursday night I hung out at the tailwaters with Morgan and Joseph, and then at Kyrock with them and Taylor.  I had firecrackers.  Amusement ensued.  Friday night I went with Joseph, Morgan, Daniel, and Tiffany to BG.  We had much fun.  We went to the mall, Barnes & Noble, and Wal-Mart.  Then we had to take Tiffany back to the game, so instead of hanging around Edmonson County, which was wet, we went to Leitchfield.  Home of...well, nothing but Wal-Mart.  But we went there!

And then...Saturday.

I went to a party.  The kind of party where there is alcohol.  I bought the alcohol.  Puregrain.  Morgan made hooch.  I don't really like hooch, but I drank two full cups of it, which, seeing as I've never been drunk before, should've knocked me on my ass, especially since I also drank some fruit.  But it didn't.  I didn't even get buzzed.  We had the party because it was Josh's 19th birthday.  We had it at Cole and Nick's place.  Yeah...  I told my mom I was spending the night at Nikki's, and Nikki wasn't even there.  Josh brought me home Sunday morning, and Daniel picked me up Saturday night. 

Josh got so drunk.  This bitch who lives in the apartment below them showed up and threatened to call the cops and everything.  I ended up sleeping in Nick's room with Joseph and Daniel, where I found out both of them are apparently sleep creepers.  Daniel sat up and stared at Joseph in his sleep, and Joseph decided he was going to get him some in his sleep.  From me.  See, the two of us slept in Nick's bed, while Daniel was forced to sleep on the floor.  And at one point during the night, Joseph's hand starts creeping up my leg.  Towards my vagina.  I, of course, wasn't having it, so I grabbed his hand and tossed it at him.  He didn't even wake up.

This week, so far, has not been full of fun times and drunken debacles.  It's been full of boring shit and drama.  But I'll blog about that tomorrow.  Or eventually.

After We Turned Back The Clocks.

Sooo...miss me?

'Cause...I haven't blogged in a while...Yeah, sorry about that.  I can explain, really.

I'm really, really lazy about blogging.  What with school getting into full swing and Monologue Madness starting and then...y'know...ending...and me getting Direct TV in my room and whatnot.

Ugh.  I'll fill in the details.  Now, the last thing I did and then blogged about was Scott Pilgrim and Joppa.  Now, when we were at Joppa, some scary shit went down.  A footprint ended up on the back window of Nikki's car.  Right behind my head.  And then there was the little matter of the arrow in front of Morgan pointing to the X in front of Nikki.  Scary as hell, but not as scary as it could've been. Until about a week later.  When Nikki totaled her car.  She was following Joseph off the gravel ferry road, hit a loose patch, overcorrected, and flipped her car three times.  She's fine though.  Coincidence, you're thinking to youself, right? We wrote it off as that too.  Until about five days later, when she totaled her new car.  The thing is, Nikki's a pretty good driver. And neither wreck was her fault.  some guy hit her on her way to work.  She was fine during that wreck too, but that's just scary as hell.

I don't know if I ever mentioned Monologe Madness, so a recap.  It was this big competition thing we did with, you guessed it, monologues.  I had one from the Tell-Tale Heart and it was so good, and then I got onstage to do it, got stage fright, and promptly forgot all my lines.  Embarrassing.  But enough about me.  Here's the bracket.  you'll notice a certain fake red head managed  to finagle her way to the top *cough* sara hogan *cough*  But I digress.

Bracket!!

Drama sucks nowadays.  But I don't wanna get into it.  It just pisses me off.

Last week I went on a fieldtrip to see Sweeney Todd at Capital Arts.  It was pretty amazing, and Zach Staugatis bought me candy.  It was a really good production though.  I had to bite my lip to keep from singing along at times.  Last weekend I saw Vampires Suck with Jared and Daniel.  Morgan was in revival and couldnt make it.  That movie was hilarious.  Tony was there.  That was not so hilarious.  But I just very carefully ignored him.  Before we went to the movie we went to the mall.  Within a minute of being there Jacob Alexander managed to find us and invite himself to the movie.  Somehow we managed to escape the mall without him but geez. 

I got my senior pictures taken a few days ago.  The ones I saw turned out pretty good.  I feel old though...

I went with Jared Friday night to see Piranha 3D.  It was retarded, but good retarded.  It had a ridiculous amount of boobs, of course, but it made up for it with this one really big scene where a ton of people got eaten.  Lots of face rippage too.  Oh, and Jerry O'Connell screaming "They took my penis! My penis!"  Yeah.

Anyway, I think that's pretty much it.  Daniel's being a dick, but I'll talk about that some other time.

Blehhh Part 2

So, I realize that, in my last post, I said I would blog the following day about all that had gone on.  I lied.  I didn't mean to, it's just that my new sleep hours have really caught up to me in the past week, so I was pretty much sleepy from the moment I got home everyday.  However, I think I may be getting back on track, which means my blogging will even out soon.

Anyway, so as of right now I think I have all A's.  Granted, school'd only been in for two weeks, but still.  I've managed to fuck it up earlier than that.  Drama is really sucky, but that's going to have a post all it's own sometime in the next few days, because it would take up to much space in a post containing other things.  Floral Design is pretty shitty too, because I'm not good at identifying plants, and Amanda is annoying.  Psychology is pretty great, and Int. Science is an ok class.

Speaking of Science, the funniest thing happened the other day.  This kid, Dalton, managed to nearly cut his finger off with a pair of fucking safety scissors.  There was blood everywhere.  Apparently, he stuck his finger in them and whoever was holding them assumed he was smart enough to move it ebfore they tried to use them.  He wasn't.  There was A LOT of blood too.  Also, Tyler Coy hates me.  Why?  I seriously think it's because I'm smarter than him.  The funny thing is, he seems to think that it bothers me that he doesn't like me, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. 

On a different note, I saw Scott Pilgrim last night.  That movie was EPIC.  Like, it's now one of my favorite movies.  I saw it with Morgan, Jared, and Daniel.  We got Candy at Candy Craze and I left it in Jared's car, and he ate it.  That makes me sad.  After the movie me and Daniel met up with Joseph, Nikki, and Other Morgan and went to Joppa, the haunted church.  I don't even want to talk about what happened, because it was fucking scary as hell.  I am NEVER going back there.  Ever.

Blehhh

I'm so sleepy all the time right now.  So, I don't want to blog right now, but I'm going to put a little basic stuff...

Some funny stuff has happened.  Some pisses me off stuff has happened.  Some meh stuff has happened.  And I just can't stay awake.

So, I'll blog tomorrow when I get home.

Excuse Me Miss But Can I Get You Out Your Panties?

"My First Kiss" by 3oh!3 of course.

So, I'm kind of really confused.  Yesterday afternoon I changed my facebook status to "is going to go see Scott Pilgrim if I have to walk my ass there."  Jared commented on it, and we're going to go.  That's not what confused me.  What confused me was the fact that someone else then commented on it.  Tony.  Yeah.  He made a joke about why would I walk my ass there when I have legs.  And from there went on and was talking about how he doesn't make good choices and fights a lot.

What.  The.  Fuckity.  Fuck.

This guy literally just stops talking to me, even though I professed my love, and now he's just randomly talking to me again?

So not happening.  I was civil, but that was it.  If he tries to waltz back into my life and act like he didn't fuck up a lot of shit in my life and then just leave, then he's got another think coming.  I'm not going to let him, and I swear that I mean it.

I'm beginning to be happy.  I've been consistently happy for a few weeks now, and I'm really beginning to like it.  I like someone who's genuinely nice, but I don't love him, which cuts back on the drama A LOT.  I've finally managed to get away from the friends who only caused me drama, and everything is just generally going well.  If he comes back, I know he'll fuck it up. 

It's not that I blame him for me getting depressed.  It's not his fault.  It's just a cumulation of things, one of which is him.  The entire time I liked him, and all that was going down, it was just pure drama.  And that doesn't make me happy.  So I'm glad he's gone.  And he's staying that way.

Snitches And Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers

Fall Out Boy.  I've never understood the name...It's an ok song though.

School's been good.  Tuesday wee took personality quizzes in psychology.  My social desireability is at a level two, and my proneness (if that's the word) to addiction is a level six.  Which is average.  The addiction one anyway.  In floral design we cleaned up the shop yesterday and identified a couple of plants today.  We haven't really done anything in science except take a few notes and do a worksheet.

I did think I was going to have to kick some ass today though.  Some jackass called Cow a queer.  Which he's not.  I just gave him a death stare.  If he does it again though, he will not be a happy camper.  I don't put up with people saying shit about my friends.

Drama has been weird.  First of all, we're in groups.  Groups led by drama three students.  Yeah, drama three kids are in charge of drama four kids.  What.  The.  Hell.  I'm in Jacob's group.  With a freshmen, Haylei Perkins and Ashley Doan.  Fun times.  Also, for our monologues, we have partners.  That's right, for monologues.  Our partner will have no lines of course, but you have to treat them like they're a character.  Which sucks for some people, including me, since some of our monologues aren't exactly a chunky piece of dialogue.  Mine's the last paragraph of the Tell Tale Heart.  Yeah, that's all in his head, not spoken.  So I don't know how I'm supposed to do that.

I don't have to ride the bus anymore, by the way.  I'm giving Abby gas money and she is now my ride.  I'm a little under a mile out of her way, so it's no big deal for her to haul me to and from school.

School Hard

The name of a Buffy episode.  Actually, I think it's the name of the Buffy episode that was the first with Spike in it.

But I digress.

So, today was the first day of school.  I rode there with Abby.  We're going to make this a regular thing, since I'm probably a little under a mile out of her way.  I'm going to give ehr gas money of course, but still.  It's better than riding the bus.  Of course, Abby is awesome and has great taste in music, so that part's great.  Actually, there is no downside.  Except us almost hitting the Mexican at Jr Foods this morning.  It would've been his fault though, so no biggie.

There are so many people in drama.  Although there are only four in drama four.  Ironic?  Not really.  It's me, Austin, Tiffany, and Erica.  Which probably means it'll be one of us for senior thespian.  From there, I honestly have no idea who it'll be.  Floral Design was kind of boring, because I have Taylor and Katelynn.  Daniel is trying to switch into it.  Joseph might be, I'm not sure.  I hope he is.  Psychology is going to be good, I can tell.  Int. Science II is...well, Science.  But Aaron and Cow are in there, so yay!

I'm sleepy.  I'll post more tomorrow or something.

The Headmaster Ritual

The Smiths.

So tomorrow is the beginning of the end.  Tomorrow is my first day of senior year.  I'm happy because it means I'm growing up.  I'm sad because it means I'm growing up.

I have aspirations.  I want to be someone in life.  But I'm from this little fuck-your-cousin place, I know that's never going to happen.  People from these tiny places have nothing to offer, because these placces have nothing to offer them.  My school doesn't even have a paper, or a journalism class, or a photography class, anything.  The closest they had to that is yearbook, and the fucktard administration didn't give it to me.  And I would've had to rearrange my schedule completely to switch into it.

Daniel, Joseph, and I have been talking about renting a place together after graduation.  Western frowns on that.  If you're a freshman you're supposed to either live in the dorms or at home.  There are ways around it, and I am so not living with someone I don't know, nor am I living at home.  So we're probably going to rent a place near campus. 

Ugh.  Sad now.  So I'm off.

'Cause I'm Still Crashing All The Funerals Of People That I Never Knew

"Can't Be Saved" by Senses Fail.

So we finally went shopping today.  We hit the mall first.  I got two pairs of jeans at JC Penny's.  One of them was Vigoss, and the other one was something else.  I don't remember the brand name.  I also got an adorable top that's mostly purple with some blue and red on it.  It's one of those button up plaid shirts that are all the rage right now.  Next up was Hot Topic, where I got a Scott Pilgrim shirt.  After that I got a replacement ball for the one I lost off my purple checkered gage at Outer Loop.  It was the last one they had that matched, so I lucked up.  Then Journeys.

Oh Journeys.  They now have the cutest guy working there.  Oh my god, he has perfect floppy hair and pretty eyes and is just all around cute.  He, of course, is the one I deal with.  I ask for a pair of chucks in my size.  They're the ones that are black but it looks like there are about five different colored layers inside of them.  Not the high tops that are all piecy, the low tops.  They didn't have those in my size, and they didn't have the grey ones like them either.  So he showed me some lowtop orange ones, and he just looked so cute I had to buy them.  He is so good at his job that everything he mentioned I wanted to buy.  They have a purse that doubles as an ipod dock and looks like a boombox.  I will buy that.  It's twenty-five bucks, but I will have it!

We also went to Old Navy.  I got two pairs of flip flops and the cutest purse.  the purse was less than four dollars because the zipper's broken.  That kinda sucks, but it's so cute, it makes up for it.  We went to Wal-Mart after that, but didn't get anything good.

I'm really happy about the stuff I got though.  School starts Monday tohugh...  Oh, I got on infinite campus earlier and Priniciples of Marketing is now Floral Design and Web Page Design is now Advanced Art.  So, my schedule is fixed.

Everyone Here Smells Like A Rat

The Almost.

So, we did not get to go shopping today do to my G-ma's selfishness.  She hit a dog a few weeks ago, and it broke some stuff on her bumper.  Insurance is paying to get it fixed, but of course she has to be without her car for a few days.  Nothing bad there.

However, she and my mom took it to Glasgow yesterday morning.  She wouldn't get the work done here in Edmonson County, which would make sense, she had to get it done in Glasgow.  Selfish Thing #1.  Also, she isn't getting it back until Monday, and she works pretty much every day until then.  She could've got a rental car for three bucks a day, but no.  She has to impose on my mom to come get her, take her to work, and then pick her back up later.  Therefore, most of our plans are shot.  so, that was Selfish Thing #2, not getting the car.  Selfish Thing #3 is not doing this next week, when school is in session and me and Mom don't have a ton of plans.

So Mom didn't want to get up super early, get ready, take her mother to work, go shop, come back, pick her mom up, go home, and then go to open house.  So we didn't go.  We're going tomorrow though.  And open house sucked.  I filled out forms to switch from principles of marketing to floral design and out of web page design to advanced art, but who knows if i'll get it.  If I don't I'm going to have to deal with Coach Jackson.  Fun times.  Oh, and my locker doesn't actually lock.  Neither do like three of them right beside it.  But whatever.  My school sucks.

Well I'm Dancing With Myself...

Billy Idol of course.

So, yesterday was Tuesday and we went shopping.  Literally the only thing I bought was the cutest mini pencils and a mini pen and the Dollar Store.  So, there's no good shopping to report.

However, last night I went to Morgan's.  Mom drove me to Brownsville, where we met Daniel at Minit Mart.  Douglas was there, and we hugged and were all "Dude! We should totally text!"  He gives good hugs.  And then we went on our merry way to Morgan's.

The four of us (me, Morgan, Daniel, and Jared, of course) apparently have a thing for card games.  We played so many games of Egyptian Rat, Bull, and Spoons that it was ridiculous.  Jacob and Morgan's mom played too.  Well, Morgan's mom played some Egyptian Rat, and maybe a round of Spoons, and she was fierce.  I'm pretty sure she bruised my hand.  The back of my left hand has a slight greenish sheen to it, and I know that wasn't all Daniel.

We also watched The Descent and talked a bunch.  And I drank coffee!  Just a little, and it was smothered in milk, sugar, and vanilla flavor, but still.  I didn't get home until 3:41 in the morning.  I'm slightly surprised my mother didn't kill me.  She does this thing where she tells me I don't have to be home until Monday.  But then she won't tell me when I actually need to be home.  So I usually get home no later than one, and she'll grumble but go on with her day.  And I didn't get home until almost four in the morning but she was pretty much the same as always.  She grumbled a bit more, but nothing came of it.

I didn't go to Glasgow today.  I'm still going to Bowling Green tomorrow for chucks.  There are some complications with that, but I'll bitch about it tomorrow.  Open house is tomorrow night too, and I might go stay the night with Morgan afterwards.

They Said There's Too Much Caffeine In Your Bloodstream

"A Rush & A Push & The Land Is Ours"  by The Smiths.

So, today officially begins my last week of summer.  I'm both sad and happy about this.  Sad, because it means I have to go to school, and start my last year of high school.  Happy because I get to see my friends again soon.  I want to graduate, but then again, I don't.  I hate my school.  The teachers are dicks, and the administration makes the teachers look like your best friend.  But graduating means I'm growing up.  Getting old.  I'm only 17, but I'm scared of being old.  I know it's dumb to fear that right now, but I do.

Open house is probably Thursday.  The back to school bash was last Thursday, and they're usually a week apart.  This year, I'm going to track down Coach Jackson or Mrs. Raymer and stay on they're tail until they get something done about my schedule.  It's only, y'know, their jobs.  Last year I tried it and Coach Jackson was a condescending jasckass to me, but this year I'm a senior, and I will get the schedule I want.  Seniors are supposed to.

Here's my schedule for this week.

Mon-nothing so far
Tues-shopping
Wed-going to Glasgow and probably shopping
Thurs-getting my chucks
Fri-nothing so far
Sat-nothing so far
Sun-nothing so far

Somewhere in there I'm probably going to go to Morgan's, have Erin over, and G-ma Carolyn is probably going to swing by, take me to a movie, and buy me lots of stuff.  Maybe another movie night if we can fit it in.  I'd have one here, but I doubt I could get my parents to leave us alone for longer than five minutes at a time.  Plus, you know, trailer.  They all have these big houses, and it's not that I'm ashamed of living in a trailer, because it's not run down or anything, but still.

The Sunshine State Freedom Front

So, Wednesday I went to the movies with Jared, Morgan, and Daniel.  We watched Predators, which was kind of disappointing.  I thought it was going to be an absolutely kick ass movie.  It had some cool scenes, but overall, not so good.  We had fun though.  We went back to Jared's after and played some games.  I stomped ass at Taboo, again.  I love that game.  Downside is, he saw my PIF list.  He is number four.  Daniel said he didn't seem weirded out by it, but it's the principle of the thing.  And he hasn't brought it up, and I definitely won't.

I was going to stay at his house until 2.  In the morning.  Mom was ok with it and everything.  But then Daniel's grandma called and we had to leave, since he was my ride.  I didn't get home until a bit after one though, so not horrible.  At Pepper's on Wednesday Jared and I had a very strange conversation.  Daniel mentioned how I'm thinking about going to college after all, and Jared was like "Go to Western.  Then we can party together, I can get you drunk and knocked up."  He then went on to say that he would do the knocking up, that we would have an awesome kid, it would be a boy, he wouldn't change it, and I couldn't name it Peter Parker.

It was a very strange conversation, as I said.

So, yesterday, or actually the day before yesterday since it's almost one, me and Mom went shopping in Bowling Green.  We went to lunch with my father, and when we dropped him off back at Western, I saw a black Cheech Marin.  I was very excited.

I bought a cool YakPak/Dickies backpack at Hot Topic.  It's black and it's got really colorful stars all over it.  I have all my school supplies now.  I also bought a cool new True Blood t-shirt.  I was going to buy a Scott Pilgrim t-shirt, but they only had one True Blood in my size.  I'm probably getting the Scott Pilgrim one next week.  I also bought two pairs of jeans, but one of them has to go back.  I assumed if it was from the same brand and the same shelf as a pair that fit, it would also fit, but apparently thats not true.  I also got a cute little black and grey striped thing to wear over tank tops and such.  And, most importantly, the latest issue of Empire.  Oh, on Wednesday I got my Buffy omnibus that I ordered last week.  I read it in like, two hours.  It was amazing!  I can't wait to get the next one.

So, tonight I went to Daniel's, as did Jared and Morgan.  We watched The Stepfather, which was like Distubia, but not quite as good.  Penn Badgely was hot though.  We also played Egyptian Rat though, and Spoons, and it was really fun.  I won two games of Spoons.  I know I won at least one.  We also played Bull, but I did not win any of those.  It was a good night.

A Blister In The Sun

Violent Femmes.

I feel like my left eyeball is bleeding.  It's all bloodshot, which makes me all paranoid that my eyeball is going to burst open.  right now it feels like its bleeding.

Anyway, so Friday night we went to Bowling Green.  We ate at White Castles, which was deliscious of course.  We went to the mall, but I didn't buy anything.  I know, I was shocked too.  They have Scott Pilgrim shirts at Hot Topic though.  I am soo buying some next time I'm there.  We also went to Target where I bought the tenth anniversary edition of 10 Things I Hate About You and a t shirt that says "This Tee Is Bananas."  It would have been better if it said shirt instead of tee, since shirt is closer to shit, but it's still cool.

So, over the past few days, I've become addicted to The OC.  I am totally in love with Seth Cohen.  I'm still only on season one, but I'm almost done with it.  It is soo good though/

Today, seeing as it was Tuesday, we went shopping.  Mom bought me a Spiderman wallet, and it was actually made for a girl.  That was probably the best part.  I also got this really cute necklace that's silver and purple and all around adorable.

I've got all my school supplies except a backpack, and I'm getting it Thursday.  I'm also getting some new shoes next week.  Chucks.  I can't wait.

Oh, here's my schedule


First Semester

1.  Drama~~Dooley
2.  Principles of Marketing~~Coach Long (which, I had sophomore year and passed, so I'm getting switched.)
3.  Psychology~~Mrs. Smith
4.  Intergrated Science II~~Mrs. Stice

Second Semester

1.  Web Page Design~~Mrs. McClintic (I will also be switching out of this)
2.  Honors English IV~~Mrs. Pierce
3.  Psychology II~~Mrs. Smith
4.  Consumer Math~~Mr. Elmore

Who Do You Think You Are? Collecting Your Jar Of Hearts?

"Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri.

Recap time!  For the first part anyway.  So, Tiffany fucked Tony.  Therefore, I am done with her.  I'm going to act like everything's fine long enough to get her to give me my stuff back, and then I might beat the shit out of her.  I guess it depends on my mood.  I'll probably beat the shit out of her though.  Also, we went on another mini roadtrip Saturday.  We ended up at a new Big Lots in Radcliff, that's actually not as good as the one in Bowling Green.  I did, however, get a really really soft purple blanket there, so it's ok.  Also, they went yardsaling before I woke up that morning, and they got me another vintage camera, and a PS2 game called Manhunt that's really cool, but requires an 8 gig memory card, and won't take a 16 gig one.  Which makes no sense, but it's  fun game, so we'll get one.  Also, crazy g-pa gave me fifty bucks Sunday.  Yay!  We baby sat Buffy Sunday and Monday.  G-ma was ona trip with her boyfriend.  Our cats are more scared of Titus Andronicus than a dog their size.  Stupid cats.  But that's pretty much what happened up to Tuesday.

So, Tuesday, which means shopping.  I tried to get Mom to go to B-ville before Leitchfield so we could cash my check, since I was going to Jared's and then Morgan's and would probabl need money.  But no, that would've been to easy.  She decided we would go after we got back from the grocery.  So we went to Leitchfield, and Mom said she'd buy anything I wanted and I could just pay her back when we cashed my check.  I ended up breaking down and buying The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  I read the first couple of pages too, and it was pretty good.  I also got an Op shirt, which I thought I was going to pay for, but Mom only made me pay for the book.  It's black, white, and grey plaid, and really long.

I wore it to Jared's last night over my purple tank top thing.  I personally thought it was really cute.  So did Morgan.  I don't know what the guys though.  They're guys.  Anyway, we watched Black Christmas in his room.  That movie has a shit ton of people in it, and I didn't know that.  But I digress.  I made fun of pretty much the whole movie.  It was pretty lame.

Then his parents went to work and we took over the living room.  We watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.  I'd seen it before, so I knew all the gory parts.  Like the cow disintegration.  Yeah.  Unless you've seen it, don't ask.  And if you've seen it, you shouldn't have to ask anyway.

After that we had to go on a ghost/killer hunt because Daniel and Morgan thought they heard something during the movie.  And Daniel had to pee, so we had to go, turn the lights on as we went down the hall, and stand outside the door while he peed.  So, of course, we let him get in there, and then we turned all the lights off and hid in the utility closet.  It was funny, because Daniel was trying to call me.

So after all the freak outs, we played Taboo, which was pretty fun.  If you haven't played it, it's like Password, but you have certain words you can't say.  And other than that you can say as much as you want, it's not limited to single words.  We were having so much fun, and the stuff we would say to get our teammate to guess the answer was so funny sometimes.  For the first round is was guys versus girls and we won.  The second round it was me and Jared versus Daniel and Morgan, and we still won.  Wonder what that says about me...?

Forgot to say this earlier, but I forgot to and I couldn't find a good place to stick it in without having to do a lot of editing, and I'm to tired to do that.  Anyway, we didn't get out of Walmart, in Leitchfield, until threeish.  The bank closes at four.  We got there with five minutes to spare.  But when I suggested it, she didn't want to go before we went shopping.  Grr.

My Top 10 Songs By The Smiths.

I'm not really sure why I have the urge to do this, I just do.  Anyway, I was reading some other people's top ten Smith songs, and i was shocked that none of them had "A Rush And A Push And The Land Is Ours"  To me, this is probably their second best song, and I don't understand how it didn't at least make other people's tops...  Anyway, here's mine.
 
10.  "Hand In Glove"
9.  "The Boy With The Thorn In His Side"
8.  "What Difference Does It Make"
7.  "Handsome Devil"
6.  "Girlfriend In A Coma"
5.  "Bigmouth Strikes Again"
4.  "How Soon Is Now"
3.  "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now"
2.  "A Rush And A Push And The Land Is Ours" 
1.  "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"

Reminiscing

For some reason I'm really thinking about Ben tonight.  I don't have a clue why, but I am.  I just can't help playing that day over in my head.  We had a party in first block.  He found a brownie cupcake thing in his chair, and we couldn't figure out where it came from.  We couldn't even figure out if it was a brownie or a cupcake.  He talked about my link boots.  I was wearing them that day.  I haven't worn them since, actually.  He liked them a lot, and you would think that would make me wear them more, but I just can't.

He played Magic with Minor.  I watched a little bit.  He offered to teach me how to play.  Since I liked him, I told him it was a great idea.  After drama was over, I didn't really see him again until fourth block.  I was in the library, as usual, and so was his class.  He and Rachel Finch showed me the Pacman game on google.  I told him I was going to steal his sand gourd.  And I commented to Morgan about how he looked like an emo kid.

I'm not going to go into the things I should've done differently, because I go over them in my head all the time.  I'm tired of feeling guilty.  I know I can't be the only one, but sometimes I feel like I am. 

God, I miss him so much.

After One Quarter Of A Revolution

I found this on http://www.icanhasinternets.com/ and it's potetially the most disturbing video I've ever seen.  Second only to 3 guys 1 hammer I suppose.  Do me a favor, don't look that up.

And that's Every Time I Die, by the way.

Anyway, we went shopping today and it was way more stressful than it should have been.  For one thing, Mom forgot to get my goldfish, which was no big deal.  So, I went and got them, and went back to her and the cart, which were pretty far away at that time.  That's when she tells me to go get some country time.  Which is in the same general vacinity as the goldfish.  So I ask her why she didn't just tell me to get it when I was getting the goldfish.  So she jumps all over me, being all bitchy and saying, pretty loudly "Well I hadn't thought of it yet, duh!"

Then, at the register, I realized that she hadn't gotten me waffles, which she should've gotten when I was getting the country time.  She was bitchy about that too, even though I had to go get them.  Then, yes, there's more, she bitched at me because I didn't know how much my boots were.  turns out they were $20, and I told her I thought they were more than $10.  Apparently, more than $10 can't possibly mean $20.

But, all in all, I got some new boots and a new CD.  I must confess that the boots are that Miley Cyrus stuff, but it's not like she designed it, so I don't care.  They're short and slouchy, and they smell like leather.  I also got the Van's Warped Tou 2010 Compilation, which has got some pretty neat tracks on it.

I Wanna Wake Up Where You Are...

"Slide" by The Goo Goo Dolls.

So, yesterday was the Fourth of July.  Well, I guess by the time I post this it was the day before yesterday, but it isn't really the next day until I wake up.  I digress.  So, I woke up at elevenish, and Mom immediately said "So, you're father wants to go for a ride."

Let me explain something.  When he wants to go on a "ride" he actually wants to take a mini roadtrip.  I say mini because we don't leave Kentucky.  Well, we went to Tennessee once, but it's just as close as some places in Kentucky, so whatever.  Anyway, we always end up somewhere.  This time it was Pennyrile State Park.  I was expecting something like Bernheim Forest, but nope.  This was just this shitty little hard to find state park.  We literally drove 150 miles to spend ten minutes in a gift shop.  Actually, about five of that was in the bathroom. 

We went to the Jefferson Davis Memorial though.  I couldn't really appreciate it, because I have vertigo.  And if you've never been to the JDM, it's really tall.  I think Dad said it was the tallest structure in Kentucky.  I didn't even know it exsisted until I saw it over some trees.  It looks just like the Washington Memorial.  Odd fact, both gift shops (the JDM gift shop and the Pennyrile gift shop) sold silly bands.  Dinosaur shaped one.  I know.  It's pitiful.

We left home at like, noon, and we didn't get home until eight.  I think it was a day well spent.  We ended up in Greenville, but Uncle Lee's was closed.  I did, however, get a hot fudge sunday from McDonald's out of the deal though.  So yay!

Anyway, I don't think much is going on for me this week.  Shopping tomorrow as usual.  Next Tuesday, as in not tomorrow...or today depening how you look at it, we're doing another movie night at Jared's.  Fun times.

Oh, and male carhops exsist.  Just FYI.

Can We Forget About The Things I Said When I Was Drunk?

"My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit.  90's.  Yes!

Anyway, I forgot to write about the showcase until right now.  It turned out pretty good.  Our shirts turned out really good too.  Mine makes me look really skinny, which is great!  It says "Duck Duck Moose" on the back.  Anyway, the showcase was spectacular, the kids remembered their lines and such, and all was well.

I hung out with Joseph and Daniel saturday night.  Apparently this has become a thing, because I think we've done that for the last three saturday's.  I'm quite fine with it, i never get to see my friends enough over summer anyway.  But we mostly hung out at Kyrock and bashed people.  Fun times yo.  We ended up petting a dog, and then we went driving, and this crazy owl tried to attack Daniel's car...  It was hilarious. 

I went shopping yesterday.  Wal-Mart had those Rolling Stone purses for a dollar each.  That excited me to no end, of course.  I bought the Sean Penn, Bono, and Justin Timberlake ones.  Yeah, that's right, Justin Timberlake.  I like him.  I also bought a little friendhsip bracelt kit to learn how to make bracelets like Lea Anne.  I also bought Shaun of the Dead.  Yeah!  I love that movie!  Mom bought League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which I also love.  I also ate my weight in Pizza Hut breadsticks.  I was so happy.

I went over to Morgan's last night with Daniel.  Jared came over and we watched movies and played games.  The Crazies sucks, by the way, and Freddy Vs Jason isn't actually that bad.  Daniel had never played Life or Clue, so we had to educate him there, and we also played Boxers or Briefs and Battle fo the Sexes, and they were both a lot of fun.  They left probably a little before one in the morning.  So, it was a fun night.

I Drove For Miles & Miles & Wound Up At Your Door...

"She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5.  If you don't have that song, get the hell off my blog.

Day 5 of drama camp commensed and we teachers had little to no patience.  Over the past five days you could see it waning, but to anyone who hadn't yet noticed, it was extremely obvious today.  For one thing, when the kids started arriving, instead of getting onstage and playing improv games with them we sat in the audience and sleepily blinked at the while they played, as unruley camper Dylan likes to say "Duck Duck Moose."  He's much old enough to know better, by the way, he's just obnoxious.

We did a run through during the "homeroom" bits.  The actualy acting bits went pretty well, but me and Ashton stayed back stage to make the kids be quiet while they weren't on stage.  I wanted to kill each and every one of them about a million times.  Gavin Dooley kept trying to play with props, and when we'd take them away from him he'd either try to fight them or try to sneak and get them again.  Dylan was being his usual annoying self, and all the other kids seemed to be stepping it up a notch too.  On a nice note, Ian and Emma, who are twins in kindergarten or so, were wearing thing one and thing two shirts and it was so cute.  Then in the older kids class,  Jade refused to do certain things Rachel would tell her to do during improv because they were embarrassing.  So that was obnoxious.

But, tomorrow is the last day, and there are no classes, just the showcase.  I hope it goes well...

A Rush & A Push & The Land Is Ours

The Smiths.  Check it.

So, today is day four of camp.  I am so tired.  Until last night I'd barely gotten any sleep.  I have to wake up so early every morning...  Plus, I can't really got sleep easily.  It's not like when I'm in school.  You can't sleep through school if you're the teacher.

On day two we assigned parts.  We ended up combining the smallest kids with the biggest kids for the scenes for the showcase Saturday.  They all already know their lines and the little kids are going to make the cutest frogs...  Joseph ended up bringing me home on Tuesday.  I'm giving him gas money next time I see him. 

On day three we rehearsed the first half of the scenes, and it went great.  Tony showed up at the end, I guess to say hi to people, and he winked at me and squeezed my arm.  I ended up getting so mad my entire body was trembling.  Me and Ashton ended up in the girl's dressing room with me cursing him into oblivion.  I want to hate him so much, but I'm too busy missing him.  To make matters worse he added a bunch of pictures to facebook today of him and Tamara.  He looks so happy and I don't know why.  She's an icy bitch queen.  But whatever.  He'll find it out eventually.

Today we did the second half of the scene.  They didn't know those lines too well.  They ended up having them down by the end of the day though.  We're having lots of problems getting Joseph and Jade (the two older kids) to project their voices.  I managed to get the crazy middle kids to settle down and be quiet today.  I taught them a breathing excersize that taught them how to project their voices, and they did it well.  they're driving poor Rachel crazy.  Kalie, Ashton's little sister, is totally crazy about me.  She hangs around me all the time, and she's actually pretty cool.  She's a lot like Ashton, just younger.  but she's sort of mature, so she's an ok kid.

It's A Long Walk From My House To Three Oh Nine...

"Three Oh Nine" by Hit The Lights.

So, right now it's almost one in the morning and I'm still awake.  Normally, this would not be a problem at all.  However, I have to get up at five thirty to get to camp. 

The first day was today by the way.  That rhymed and if I weren't so tired I would change it.  It went pretty smoothly I think.  We had about 13 kids sign up, but a few more are coming tomorrow...Well, today.  The older kids, all two of them, don't really like cooperating.  They're at that stage whre they don't want to embarrass themselves on stage.  And I was like that once, but they have to get over it.

The authority thing wasn't a problem.  Rachel doesn't completely know what she's doing, so it pretty much evens out to me, her, and Brody just sharing command.  Brody could be so cute if he were older. 

The school totally fucked us over.  We had it scheduled for us to use the auditorium and freshman hall for the week.  They decided they need to wax all the floors.  Therefore, we had no access to freshman hall, and the only access we had to the auditorium was through the library.

I only got two and a half hours sleep Monday morning.  I went to bed at three, adn got up at five thirty.  After camp, I hung out with Morgan.  We went to Bowling Green, where I bought the first volume of Scott Pilgrim (which is amazing!) and a cute vest type thing form JC Penny's.  I might wear it tomorrow, I'm not sure yet. 

I am so freaking tired, but I know if I tried to go to sleep it wouldn't work.  Tomorrow I have to get a ride home from camp with Joseph.  yup, I'm making him come get me.  And he agreed with very little fight.  All there was to it was me agreeing to give him gas money.  Mom can't pick me up because it's Tuesday.  I hate that I can't go with them, but oh well, I'd rather do camp.

I'm sorry this post is so scattered around like this, but I'm sleep deprived.  Two and a half hours out of thirty seven.  It's ridiculous.

Drama Camp Complaints.

By the way, this is my 100th post.  Yay me.

Anyway, I'm really really angry right now.

So, when Morgan started planning this drama camp thing, Douglas was teaching acting, Tiffany was teaching costumes, and Caitlyn was teaching set design.  Which was fine with me, because Douglas just graduated, and Caitlyn and Tiffany are in my grade.  So there wasn't really a problem with that.  It was all lined up where Douglas was in charge, with me, Ashton, and Ben helping him out.  Obviously, Ben is a no go.  But then it was going to be Douglas, Ashton, and me.  We weren't going to replace Ben.

During all this I warned Morgan that Tiffany would probably back out on her.  She didn't listen to me, and low and behold, Tiffany backed out.  That's not that big a deal, I just wished she would have listened to me.  Now Erica Ashley is teaching costumes.  Which is a bad idea if you ask me, because the second she doesn't agree with whatever Morgan's doing, she'll either bitch until Morgan regrets letting her do it, or just do whatever she wants anyway.  I'm betting on the latter. 

But, again, this is not the issue.

The issue that is, due to his work schedule, Douglas will not be able to teach the acting class.

Now, seeing as his original assistants were going to be me and Ashton, the logical choice to teach would be me, right?

Since I was already scheduled to work the acting class, and since I am about to be a senior, while Ashton is about to be a freshman. 

But no. 

No worries, Ashton isn't teaching it either.  Rachel Grey is.  Rachel Grey, who, for the longest time, didn't even know if she would be able to help with camp at all.  Rachel Grey who is a year younger than me, and therefore, has one less year of experience.  She's going to teach it.

I'll give you this, Rachel Grey did have a lead in the last play, but still.  Teaching an acting class, is pretty much the same thing as directing in my book, and who has very recently directed a play?  Why yes, that would be me.  Plus, I stage managed The Least Offensive Play, and seeing as they only ever listened to me, I may as well have been the director.

But all this apparently doesn't matter.  I don't know if it was Morgan or Dooley that decided to put Rachel in charge, and don't get me wrong, I don't think she'll be a bad teacher, it's just I think it's wrong that they passed me up like that.  I don't like this, and it pisses me off so friggin much.  But whatever, I'm still going to help.  Whatever she wants done, I'll do.  And I won't say a word about being angry about this.  I can't change anything anyway.

Fail Whale!

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Fail Whale. Check it.

I feel better. Last night I think I was in the middle of a bad cycle, if you understand what I'm saying. Anyway, I found http://www.lamebook.com/ and I laughed at it for a few hours last night, so all is well, mostly. I still miss Tony, but it's manageable.

Go Ahead & Burn It Down, I'm Drunk & So's Everyone Else...

"Still Around" by 3Oh!3.  It sounds like Mayday Parade, and it's really good.

I wish I was drunk right now.  Or Stoned.  Preferably stoned.  I wish ibuprofen gets people high, because I took ten and would therefore be blitzed.  It's only 2000 mg though.  So two grams of ibuprofen.  Big whoop.   I had a bad headache, and for some reason decided to take ten.  I'm retarded, I know.

But, for the past two nights, I've been missing Tony so goddamn much.

It was thundering and raining last night,  It made me think about right before and right after spring break, when I would be liying awak in the middle of the night, and he would be too.  And I would text him.  That's when it started.  When we started talking more.  He knows more about me than Aaron ever did.  He helped me in ways Aaron never could.  For one thing, he helped me get over Aaron.  If it weren't for Tony, I might still be in love with Aaron.

But I remember on one the nights I couldn't sleep (which was pretty much all of them) it was thundering and raining.  And I told him how much I loved that sound.  How it could sometimes sing me to sleep when nothing else could.  He told me he loved it too.  I wished he was there with me that night, listening to the rain and thunder with me.  I wished he was there with me in an innocent way, and that's when I realized how much I cared about him.  Because before then, he'd been a PIF, and nothing more.  But when I realized I just wanted to lay beside him and listen to it rain and thunder, that's when I knew I was a goner.

I think maybe I loved him.  Loved?  Love?  I don't know.  I know I loved him as a friend.  That's a no brainer.  But I think I was in love with him.  Maybe I still am.  I don't know.  I just miss him so much.  I want him to know I'll always be there for him, but I don't know how to tell him.

I just miss him so much.  I'm almost crying as I write this.  And we all know, I don't cry.  I just want to be able to talk to him again.  He made me feel better when I was all fucked up.  Which is not an easy thing to do.  And now I'm cycling again, and he's not here, no one's here, and I just want to be able to talk to someone.  I mean, I know I have friends that I can talk to, that will listen to me about this, but noe one understood me like he did.  I thought I knew what it meant to be understood with Aaron, but I didn't have a clue until Tony.  I didn't have the slightest fucking clue, and now it's gone.

Because I'm a stupid bitch that couldn't keep her mouth closed.  I mean, I know it's not directly my fault that Tamara found out about everything, but I shouldn't have told anyone.  I know I didn't really tell Mikela, that she found out, but someone else may have eventually said something.  So I never should've opened my goddamn mouth.  I just miss him so fucking much.

And now I really am crying.  I'm signing off now, so I can try and have a good cry over this, although my body will probably come to it's senses after a few tears and stop. 

Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)

Vertical Horizon.  Or, if you like country music, Gary Allan.  But it's Vertical Horizon's song.

So, I haven't really done much since I last posted.  Jared and I ended up not going to see Dead Serious About Life, which is fine I guess.  Morgan thinks I should keep trying there, but I don't think he likes me, so I don't really see the point of it.  I'm just going to get my hopes up once again, and be let down...Once again.  It's not like I'm being all "Woe is me, I can't find a boyfriend for the heartbreak" (although, in my defense, it is kind of true) I'm just tired of going after guys that really don't like me. 

There's a guy.  I'm not going to put his name, because I'm not 100% sure that no one from my school reads this.  I know I'm really open with everything about me, but that's my choice, and they're my secrets.  I don't even know if he cared if everyone knew, but I'm not going to just assume that.  Anyway, this guy, will just pretend his name actually is Guy.  Guy told me Friday night that he loves me.  That he's had a thing for me for a long time, for about as long as I had a thing for Aaron, plus the month or so that I've been over him.  He was being insanely sweet about everything.  He even called me beautiful.  He wants me to give him a chance, and I want to give him one, it's just that I don't have a thing for him.  I did for about a week's time my sophomore year, but I got over that.  The thing is, I don't want to break his heart more than anyone's ever wanted to not break someone's heart.  I know what it's like to be him.  I mean, I loved Aaron for two and a half years and he never wanted me.  I would've killed for a chance to be with him, and that's exactly what Guy told me.  Morgan doesn't think I should give him a chance, because he's one of those guys that just uses girls to get laid.  But he told me he's only been doing that because he's only ever really cared about me.  I can't see any kind of future with him (and I'm not talking marriage or kids or anything, I'm talking in the next year).  I just DO NOT want to hurt him.  I want to be able to give him a chance...

On a lighter note, I hung out with Danny and Joseph Saturday night.  We tried to go play at kyrock, but then we started talking about scary movies, and ran away.  Then we somehow ended up driving on a back road in Brownsville, eating ice cream at Dairy Queen, and then back at Kyrock, where we kind of played while watching each other's backs.  It was hilarious.  Joseph and Nikki are friends again.  I just can't wait until those too idiots finally realize they are meant to be.  Like, I know people say that about people all the time, but these two really are.  They totally love each other and are too stupid to admit it.

Oh, Aaron and Ashton broke up.  He's pretty broken hearted.  I hope they get back together soon.

You Be The Anchor That Holds Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds

Mayday Parade.

So, once again, I have to play catch up, because I have been lax in my blogging. You would think that with all this free time I'd do it more, but that seems to have made me even lazier when it comes to updating.

Anyway, we finally rented The Collector this weekend, and it was just as good as I remembered it. I just love the mind games, and the fact that Arkin, the main character, actually had a brain for someone in a scary movie. So did the lesbian chick in High Tension, but I'll get to that in a minute. We also rented The Ugly Truth and Daybreakers. The Ugly Truth was hilarious, and I loved it, but it was filthy. Which was fine with me, but I was watching it with my mother, so I had to pretend to A.) not get half the jokes, and B.) pretend that I thought it was a disgusting movie, But I liked it, and I liked Daybreakers too. For one thing, it's the first time Ethan Hawke's been that attractive since the 90's. He was gorgeous! And he had that whole reluctant vampire thing going on, but it wasn't all woe-is-me-I'm-a-vampire. Well, actually, it was, but it was ok, since the whole world was full of vampires and he really didn't have much choice in it. But the movie had a well thought out plot and I liked it.

We went shopping on Tuesday, shock shock. As always, G-ma JoAnn was being difficult. For one thing, every time I tried to say anything she had to talk over me, and that just pisses me off. And then I jokingly told her to shut up, and she spazzed, threatening to hit me. Mom was just like, "this is ridiculous." Mom keeps saying that she's not coming with us this Tuesday, but I don't believe it for a second. She's said that before, and she always ends up going with us. We went to the Dollar Tree while we were in Leitchfield, to get some Rip Its because my father likes them now. They had Barenaked Ladies, Less Than Jake, Panic At The Disco, and James Blunt CDs there. I got the Barenaked Ladies and Less Than Jake ones, since I don't like James Blunt and I already had the Panic At The Disco one. Thought that was pretty cool. I got the new Glee CD at Wal-Mart, along with a Hard Candy makeup bag that I've been needing pretty badly.

I went over to Morgan's yesterday afternoon. We hung around watching TV and talking for a bit, and then Jared texted me. When he found out I was at morgan's, he informed me that I was only like, five minutes from him. So we ended up going over there at like, 9:20. We got lost on the way there too, because we turned right at a church we should've turned left at. We eventually got there though, and watch High Tension and Dead Silence. High Tension was this french movie that had been partially dubbed over. It was pretty good. It was about this lesbian chick that was staying with her friend and her friend's family in the french countryside. This guy breaks into their house and starts killing them all, except the lesbian because he doesn't know she's there, and the lesbian's friend that she's in love with. He takes her collector style, and madness ensues. It's a pretty awesome movie, so definitely find it and watch it. Jared found out that I was scared of puppets and dolls and such and made me watch Dead Silence. At key moments, he would grab my arm or something and scare the piss out of me. He succeeded. well, not literally, thank goodness. Morgan thinks that he was flirting with me. She also thinks that we watched Dead Silence on his laptop instead of the big screen so he could sit by me. But I think it was because he was too lazy to hook it up , like he said. but who knows?

Camp in a few weeks, Lindsey coming down in July...

Is It Getting Better, Or Do You Feel The Same?

"One" by U2. Not Glee. I love Glee, but they did a shitty job of that song.

So, I know I kind of left you high and dry, but until today, blogging felt like a big waste of time. But I feel better now. Anyway, so Tuesday, May 25th, was visitation. I finally cried. Cody Garmon hugged me and said he wasn't ready for this and I just started crying and saying that I wasn't either. But, when Lloyd came around, my tears dried up for him. I had to be strong for Lloyd. I didn't go look at him. I couldn't do that. For one thing, I have a photographic memory, and I never would've gotten that out of my head, and for another thing, everyone said it didn't look like him anyway.

Wednesday, May 26th, was the funeral. I ended up not going to the graveside service, but I went to the part at the funeral home. There were a lot of people there. When Erin got there I took her under my wing and made sure she was ok. I didn't cry until the very end, when they started playing "Don't Stop Believing." He loved that freaking song. I felt like I couldn't stop crying too, but I managed to get myself under control in Morgan's car.

The Dooley's were Monday, May 24th. I didn't win anything, but Ben did. He won sophomore thespian. We voted on that the Wednesday before too.

Now, in news that isn't so depressing.

I ended up at Glee Night at MattLong's house the night of Ben's visitation. It was pretty fun, and it took my mind off things. It was the Lady Gaga/Kiss episode. I got a futon two weeks ago. It's black and it's all nice and cushy. My only problem with it is that I don't sleep to well on it. But, then again, I don't sleep to well in general. Morgan began a secret "love affair" with John Kinsey on Monday, and he broke up with her last night. Not really a big thing, but kind of funny. Nikki and Andy broke up, and now Joseph and Nikki are talking again. I went to graduation with him. It was a depressing affair.

Also, I do not plan on doing the whole summer blog thing this year. It was kind of dumb, and I wish I knew how to merge blogs, and just get rid of the summer one.

Untitled.

I hate when people say "I wish it was me instead."  For one thing, almost no one actually means it.  Most people say it so they sound like a good person.  I hate it when people who barely knew someone act like they were best friends because no one is left to contradict them.  I hate when someone tries to tell you that it's a good thing that you haven't cried yet.  Because it's not.  I feel so heartless.  Ben was one of my close friends, and I can't even cry over him.  I told Tony that I think it's my subconscious mind trying to make me strong for my friends, so I can be there for the people who need me, but I'm not so sure.  I loved him as a friend, and I liked him as a guy and I can't even shed a tear for him.  I don't know, maybe it still hasn't sunk in, but it's been over a day.  I still can't think of the future without it involving Ben.  I just can't understand.  But I know he's dead.  I looked up the stages of grief.  Denial, I covered that when I asked Morgan if she was kidding when she told me.  Anger, I think I've covered.  I'm not angry at Ben, but I am angry at Sara, whether it's her fault or not, she didn't help.  Bargaining isn't going to happen because I believe in karma, not god, and bargaining with karma doesn't work.  Depression is ongoing, because I'm pretty fucking sad about this.  And I have accepted the fact that he's gone.  I know he's not coming back.  So I've covered the stages.  But no crying, and no closure.

Speaking of closure, everyone keeps asking why.  I don't know how this is supposed to help people find closure.  It doesn't matter why, knowing the reason is going to make him come back to life.  So why bother knowing.  Why bother building up this hope that knowing why is going to bring you closure, when you really know the only thing that will make it all better would be for it to have never happened in the first place.  And that's impossible.