When Children Have To Play Inside So They Don't Disappear...

Calling All Angels. Train. Download that shit.

Anyway, I apologize for that post last night, but I'm not going to delete it. I was hurting, and I just needed to vent, and that's part of me, so I'm leaving it.

Anywhoo, the point of this blog is www.facade.com. I just did my full personal...thing. Whatever it's called. Profile, I think. But, I digress. It's kinda scary. For one thing, my tarot card is Hierophant. Faith in tradition and the old school. My rune, Algiz is symbolic of the elk, and the thrill of the hunt. How many times, I ask you, have I worried that I'm only interested in the thrill of the hunt?

Since I put Brittany into both slots, my Private Persona and Public Role are the same. For words that embody my prescense I got succubus, among several others. I have referred to myself as a succubus several times in the past year or so. In the words that embody the people or things in my periphery, which I assume to mean my friends, I got a few scary words. Anonymity, Crimson, Darkness,and Mirror. Mirror is bad because it is both positive and negative.

I'm reading some of the explanations for this stuff, and it's talking about numerology. I find it extremely ironic that the numeric value for romance is 69. Coincidence? Good question.

Here's the link if you want to look at all that for yourself: http://www.facade.com/personal/profile/?Name=Brittany&Birthname=Brittany&Nickname=Brittany&Month=12&Day=27&Year=1992

Myspace: A Memoir

I refresh my page, everytime hoping I'll have new message from you. Of course, I never do, because that would mean you care enough about me to send me a message, and we both know that there's know way that will ever happen. Every time I hear the instant message sound, I hope it's from you. It never is. I would send you a message, but I'll keep checking to see if you read it, and everytime I read the word 'unread' it feels like my heart's falling out of my chest. And sometimes, only sometimes, I'm stupid enough to look at your profile. There I am, slowly creeping down your friends, while you've always remained the same. And every time I do this, I realize how little i matter to you, and my heart breaks all over again. Only a few months ago, there would've been a new message from you, every single time. That instant message would have been from you. I would send you a message and barely a minute would go by before you had at least read it. And, once upon a time, I had a spot above most of your "guys" and every single one of the girls. All of them. And I loved you. I opened myself up to you, let you in where no one else had ever been. You knew everything, and now you act like you know nothing, and now? now I hate you, and that is the truth. I hate you.

The Original Ending To Paranormal Activity

This one isn't on the DVD, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't shown in theatres. Me and Joseph were talking about the alternate ending, and he described something I hadn't seen, so I had to find it. Youtube was no help, and it took me forever to finally find this, so here it is

http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/32196/Paranormal_Activity___Alternate_Ending/

They Will Not Control Us, We Will Be Victorious

Muse, Uprising. Sort of the V theme. Good song, download it.

So, Erin came over and chilled yesterday because she didn't want to be home by herself. Since she lives next to a probably prostitute, I don't blame her for not feeling safe there alone. Anyway, she got here around ten, and we chilled until three something, then we took her home. We mostly just gossipped and watched How To Deal. She's into Sarah Dessen too.

That morning, before she got here, I got on myspace and Tony im'ed me. We talked for a while too, and then Erin got here, and I got off. After she left I got on again, and he was on, and guess what? He im'ed me. I talked to him on and off until one thirty in the morning. Yeah. Tamara broke up with him again. So, I guess he's going after me, because he was most definitely no doubt about it flirting with me.

Another weird thing that happened yesterday. Well, not weird exactly, just kind of odd. Joseph called me and we talked for three hours. Yeah. I mean, not in an "Oh he called me!" way. It's just neither of us are phone people, so it's kind of weird. He's convinced Tony wants me back. So, yay! Not. I don't think i want him back. I know I thought I did, but I think I'm just interested in Jared now. Besides, Jared actually knows and likes things I'm interested in. Tony, well, doesn't. Oh the dilemma.

Oh, Jake im'ed me last night. He sent me a link and told me to read it. I did. As you may or may not have heard by now, The Rev, the drummer form Avenged Sevenfold, died on Monday. He was only 28. Celebrities keep dying. Ever since summer or so. John Hughes, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, David Carradine, Ed McMann, Patrick Swayze, Brittany Murphy, and now The Rev.

Today G-ma JoAnn and I went to Leitchfield. Mom didn't go because she was all headachy, but we're going to Bolwing Green on Thursday, so it's all good. I had a bout $150 in Christmas money. So, I bought quite a bit. I got 500 Days Of Summer, Paranormal Activity, Just After Sunset (a Stephen King short story collection), and an adorable purple tank top that has a tiny little ruffle thing on the front. It was only five dollars. So, I spent $55 dollars already... Bought I got some awesome shit to show for it. Oh, and Mom bought me Glee Volume 1 for my birthday. Can't wait to watch that stuff.

It's A Brand New Day (All The Birds Are Singing That You're Gonna Die)

Bit of a Dr. Horrible song there.

So, my birthday went fine I suppose. Boring, but whatever. G-ma Carolyn gave me a bottle of Britney Spears perfume, a giant hershey kiss, and a ten dollar bill. G-ma JoAnn gave me a ten dollar bill. I think it kind of pissed her off because G-ma Carolyn gaveme a bunch more than she did. G-pa gave me a puppy calendar and twenty-five dollars. I've got about one fifty now.

I'm getting my gift from the rents on Tuesday. It's Glee: Road To Sectionals. It doesn't come out until then, and that's the only reason I'm not getting it until then.

We watched The Proposal today. It was really really funny. But, I love Ryan Reynolds, so I'm going to say that probably no matter what.

Happy Birthday To Me, Happy Birthday To Me

I don't know what time it is where you are, faithful reader, but it's a little past midnight here. Which means that I am officilly 17 now. I don't feel any different. I always thought 17 was the golden age. I mean, in books and movies, about 85% of characters in books and movies that i read and watch are 17. It's the age when great things happen.

Of course, maybe the Jared thing is going to be a great thing, and it started a day early. OK, I couldn't even use fake optimism there.

So far, I've watched some King of the Hill, ate some cereal, and facebooked. Boring. I'll blog again later today.

You're A Hot Mess And I'm Lovin' It (Lovin' It)

So, it's the day after Christmas. I've never cared for the day after Christmas. It's just all the work leading up to Christmas, and then BAM! It's all over and people are already preparing for Valentine's Day. But, whatever.

We watched Ice Age 3 last night. Mom got it for Christmas. It was funny, like the other two. Today we got Godfather's and rented movies. Well, I rented movies because I was felling nice, and because I wanted to see all three. We got GI Joe, X Men Origins and The Proposal. We've already watched GI Joe and I watched X Men. GI Joe was kind of disappointing. Although Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Brenden Frasier were in it, so that made it kind of worthwhile. X Men was really good. But, then again, I'm biased, because two of my favorite people were in it. Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds. But, Wade Wilson totally gets the shaft, and he only has a few shots where he's still cute and not all bald and mouthless.

Oh, I put my movie thing off. For one thing, Austin's not here, and I feel bad going without him. For another, I kind of neglected my duties in this whole thing by not calling anyone about it. So, I shall be rescheduling it as soon as I can figure out when everybody can go. Which will be tough because Morgan's church is going into revival. They seem to do that a lot, but who am I to judge?

Oh, and I think that Jared and I were quite possibly flirting over facebook earlier. He told me happy early birthday, and then we just kinda talked about texting and Christmas and other stuff. We stayed pretty light and flirty the whole time. I just wonder why Stephanie dumped him.

It's A Wonderful Life (Isn't It?)

So, today is Christmas. It started out amazing. I got a laptop, and as a matter of fact that's what I'm typing on now. But if you're a faithful reader, you already knew that, like I did. Anyway, yesterday we did the Christmas Eve with the crazy G-pa thing. He got me a stuffed monkey, $75 dollars, and a $25 Barnes And Noble gift card. Also, as my one Christmas Eve present, I opened Moulin Rouge. It was the special edition too. I watched it last night too, for the first time since summer. I love that movie.

This morning I got this laptop, Glee 2, A giant clothespin, 2 grab bags from the Great Escape, a 2 gig camera card, and a book called 501 Movies To Watch. Pretty good if you ask me. In my stocking I got an adorable little bunny, a hoodie for my cell phone, a little case thing in the shape of a boombox.

Then we had the laptop scare. Something messed up while it was trying to do recovery disks, and we thought it was permanently messed up. However, Dad somehow got it working again.
Obviously.

We just got home from Mom's family. It was boring an uneventful, like it always is. I got ten dollars cash and a twenty five dollar Barnes And Noble gift card. Mom got mad because me and Dad were ready to leave way before she was. As usual. But, pretty good day, all in all.

Merry Christmas, faithful readers.

Tap Dance In The Rain (Everything's On Sale)

I totally just pulled that title out of my ass, but it sounds pretty cool.

Our Internet was out from the middle of Tuesday til the middle of today. It sucked. But, I went shopping yesterday and today, and that was fun.

On Tuesday, there was a ridiculously hot guy in Wal-Mart. He looked like a skinnier cuter version of Mikey Keene. He was wearing a Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster shirt, so I know he had good taste in music. But silly me, I didn't talk to him. He totally checked out my ass too, because I was wearing my good ass jeans.

Oh, I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. I bought Mom the first three movies in that one Hallmark series that has Katherine Heigl in it. They had a three disc thing at wal-mart for thirteen bucks. I bought Dad the Matrix movies in the same thing. Then I bought myself a grey and black tiger striped long sleeve t shirt and a black tank top. I wore them today and they were really cute.

Today we went to Bowling Green. Of course, I wore my black flats like I do every single time, and by the time I got home, I was swearing that I'll never wear them shopping again. I bet I will. But, I digress. I bought How To Deal at the Great Escape for $1.58. That amazed me. Mom bought me a laptop. Gateway. But, I don't get it until Christmas, and Dad doesn't know that I know about it, because Mom was supposed to drop me off at Barnes And Noble while she got it, but she though I should help pick it out. We went to the mall, and sadly, Jacob was there. Luckily, Ben, Erin, Loren, and some guy named Robert that goes to my school was there as well, so I wasn't alone with him at any point in time.

I got the coolest clock at Hot Topic. It's Alice in Wonderland, and it's got the Mad Hatter in the background, and the hands are halves of scissors. It makes this weird whirring type clicky sound. I'll get used to it, I'm sure. I bought three books at Barnes and Noble. Demon Princess, Get Well Soon, and My Fair Godmother. I hope they're good.

So, I'm talking to Morgan on facebook, and I told her to be honest, was Aaron always a douche and was I just to love struck to see it. Apparently, he was. I feel really stupid. I never saw it, not once. I thought I knew this guy so well, and it turns out that he's a completely different person. I have to wonder if maybe I fell in love with this idea of him, and from there I just kind of ran with it.

Brick By Boring Brick

So, I surprised myself this morning.

I woke up a bit ago, ate some pancakes, turned Sirius on, and then got on the computer. Myspace, more specifically, because my igoogle homepage told me I had a message on there. It was from Aaron, nothing special though, just the one we've had going since the whole douchebag episode. Anyway, after I replied to that I had nothing to do, so I went to his page to see if I'm still four.

I am not.

To his credit, I am still on there, and he only has a top ten, but now I'm eight. Out of ten. Still the first girl.

I surprised myself though, when I realized I didn't care all that much. I mean, the part that wants to be friends with him again cared a little, but the part of me that loved him, or thought loved him, didn't even seem to notice.

I'm really happy about this. This is a big step to me finally completely being over him.

Jingle Bells (Batman Smells)

So, Friday night we had Christmas at G-ma JoAnn's house. Since nothing particularly awesome happened, I'll just give you the rundown on what I got. Public Enemies (which was significantly worse than I thought it would be, but still pretty good), a button that says I Love Vinyl, a Nightmare Before Christmas keychain, a $15 itunes card, and a blue Kodak camera. I was very surprised about the camera. It's 12 mega pixels, and it takes amazing photos.

Saturday night we went to G-ma Carolyn's house. This is always a laugh, and throughout the night my great grandfather worried about the choking hazards on his stocking stuffers, my Dad rode a stick horse, a Siamese cat fell asleep on me, and my Great Grandfather stole my Dad's candy. The stuff I got there was pretty neat too. I got these slipper boot things that are really fuzzy, these slipper things that are just like the boots but socks, zebra pajamas, adorable earrings, a giant makeup box thing, a $30 Barnes And Noble card, and $75 cash.

Pretty good take if you ask me.

I Don't Want To Change The World (I Just Want To Leave It Colder)

Breaking Benjamin. Hell yeah.

So, Tamara broke up with Tony the other day, but I think they might be back together. So, fuck that shit. I managed to get a ride home with Daniel yesterday, so I didn't have to ride the bus. That was a relief, because I despise the bus.

Right now, I feel like there's nobody for me. Does that make sense? I don't know or care.

It's not like I want a boyfriend exactly, I just want someone to care about me. I mean, yeah, my friends care about me, but that's different. My friends don't really know what's inside my mind.

I guess this is getting back to the Aaron thing. He really was the only person to ever really know and get me. But now... I don't even know. He's different. I'm different. Hell, the world's different. I really wish I hadn't written him that note, because now I wish we weren't friends at all. I thought just being friends with him would be better than nothing at all, but it's not. I mean, like I said a post or two ago, I don't want a relationship with him anymore, but just knowing how I felt about him and all the things we could have possibly been, it just hurts, you know?

I haven't finished my GSA application and it's due the 31st of this month. I guess I'll just focus on that and not worry about people.

Neighborhood #3(Power Out)

Random song playing on Sirius radio. It fit well since all of Edmonson County (except Bee Spring Yay!) had no power Friday. But, I digress.

So, I'm not really pissed at Aaron anymore. I talked to Douglas about it, and in his I'm-Douglas-The-All-Knowing-All-Powerful way, he pretty much told me that was the way Aaron was. The thing is, I knew this, but he'd never been like that with me. I mean, I'm not much on etiquette, but jeez that was not the time.

At least one good thing that came out of that is that I'm over him. I know I've said that numerous times, but he just isn't the same guy I fell in love with, and I don't want to have feelings for this new Aaron. I'll be his friend, but nothing more, even if he wanted it, which I doubt since he's a douchebag now.

A new development, I have discovered that I dislike Tamara, which is Tony's girlfriend. I have no reason not to. I also believe that she's not good for him. But, whatever.

Ooh, Joseph got me Chicago for Christmas. I do so love that movie.

I Cannot Believe...

...That motherfucking douchebag.

So, you know how I said last night that I had sent him that message, but he didn't respond because he wasn't on?

Well, while on itunes this afternoon I snuck on myspace to see if he responded. He had.

He said something along the lines of never wanting to see me again. My heart seriously stopped beating, and without being melodramatic at all, I felt like my world was caving in on me.

So, I go to my room, yank everything out of my closet, turn the music up really loud and called Austin. Which I have not done in a long time.

I cried to. I hardly EVER cry. Austin was shocked, so he got on my myspace to read the message. Douchebag had messaged me back (I had responded with "What the fuck is going on with you?"), telling me he was just kidding about not wanting to see me again, but that he thought it was lame I brought up the friend thing in a letter instead of just talking about it.

Fucking ASSHOLE. He made me CRY. I NEVER EVER cry over boys.

I think I might hate him.

Vitamin R (Leading Us Along)

Good song. By Chevelle. Anyway, to the good stuff.


So, last Monday I got really pissed off about something that I can't even remember now, and I wrote Aaron this note telling him that I think it is really stupid that we aren't friends anymore, and then at the end of it I told him we could go back to being friends like we were, or this fake friendship thing we have going on can end. One or the other, and he has to pick. I didn't think I'd give it to him.

Then Friday night rolled around. He was in Tom Sawyer, the Drama I play. It kinda sucked, but that's beside the point. I sat with Erin and his little sister Loren. I got pissed all over again, and so after the play, when the actors came out into the audience, I gave it to him. Then I promptly tried to leave, but instead had a panic attack in the back corner of the auditorium. I scared the shit out of Dalton and Erin.

So, I was totally dreading today all weekend. I couldn't even properly enjoy The Men Who Stare At Goats with Austin. Really good movie by the way, although it's mostly about LSD. But it has Ewen McGregor and George Clooney in it. Anyway, I get to school this morning, and he's not even there. He's not, as a matter of fact, going to be back all week because he's sick. So, while cleaning up the auditorium during fourth block with a few other drama kids, I said something about not being able to talk to him about it for a week, and Dooley comes up behind me and says "Oh, talk to him about that note you gave him?"

So apparently, he talked to her about it, but not me. I'm very confused about that. However, I just sent him a message on myspace saying, "I gotta know, do you hate me or are we good again?"

Suckage.

Total Story Idea...

And I can't write fast enough to get it down.

Girl is going out with this quarterback guy. She actually has a thing for his best friend, who she had had drunken sex with at a party. When all that comes out, QB informs her he's been doing her best friend for months.

Oh, and a quick overview of recent events. Wrote Aaron and angry letter, giving it to him tomorrow, Katie just said she's sorry, Colleen and Sydney broke up, and now Tiffany and Sydney are dating.

Birds Of A Fleather...

Fock together...

Anywhoo, so I'm totally fucking Stage One up. I just ate a bowl of Lucky Charms, and, ok it was a small bowl and I haven't eaten in hours, but still! I just found out that the guy I like is Morgan's cousin. So no she's all excited. I just wonder if I can get him. He is so cute. Jeez, fuck this him and he shit, nobody reads my blog. His name is Shiloah. Isn't that an awesome name?

Oh jeez, I've entered the retard zone. Ok, backing up. I'm just so worried that Tiffany is going to be able to woo him with her I've-had-lots-of-sex-ness. Sometimes being a virgin really sucks.

I read this book the other day called Handcuffs by Bethany Griffin. It was really really good, and the author is form Kentucky. I'm beginning to wonder where in Kentucky because the mall in the book was called the Cambell Lane Mall and they went to a Minit Mart, ate at Sbarro's Pizza, and some of the layout was suspiciously similar to Greenwood Mall's. I looked at her website, and her myspace. It said she lives in Louisville.

So, tomorrow is Black Friday. I will be spending it at home this year. Used to me and my dad would go shopping early in the morning, but he doesn't want to go tomorrow. I don't know why either.

So...Wow

Still grounded. But I have an important update. There's a guy. Went to the movies with him and some otehrs Friday night. I've known him for a while, always thought he was cute, and he's a PIF (People I'd Fuck). But, now I know he's super nice, and he drives like a maniac in a super safe sort of way. Plus, I didn't have my jacket and it was cold in the theatre, so he let me wear his letter jacket!

Down side, a friend is going for him too. So I've come up with a battle plan. Anyway, I'm on a diet now as Stage One.

By the way, The Box sucks.

GSA And Everything Else

Today I went to GSA in Lexington with Dooley, Lloyd, and Ben. Carson got thrown in the mix later. The actual GSA stuff was extremely fun, and I think it's really going to help me when I audition in the spring. We have a new friend too, her name is Lindsey. She's got the hots for Lloyd.

After GSA we went to Joseph and Beth's, which is an epic bookstore. It's two floors. I bought the new Morganville Vampires book, Fade Out, which I didn't know was out. We ate at Moe's too, which is really good. Then we saw Rosencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead.

The cool thing about that play is that it's literally The Lion King 1 1/2. You know, Timon and Pumba;s version of the first movie. The Lion King is actually based on Hamlet, and R&G is their version of Hamlet, with a bit of absurdism thrown in there for good measure. In other words, epic.

I think Dooley actually likes me now, so I'm happy about that.

I'm really worried about Lloyd though. He wants Sarah back.

Hello Alone

So, again, I'm totally sneaking on, but here are a few quick updates.

I totally gave blood at the blood drive today, and it was epic.

Jared is still relentlessly flirting with me, even though he has a girlfriend, still.

This obnoxious middle school girl harrassed Tony about me this morning.

I'm going to a GSA workshop this weekend with Ben Owens and Dooley in Lexington.

More ASAP.

An Explanation

I haven't been on in forever becaue I am grounded from the internet. Nobody knows I'm n right now, because I'm supposedly doing my GSA application, qhich I actually am. Anyway, I won't be on but randomly for a while.

Quick recap though, I hate Lexy, and I saw Rocky orror on Halloween. It was epic. Hopefully more this weekend.

Chaotic Neutral

So, last night there was a hellascious fight that I'm not going to describe, but for the purpose of documentation, I'm just going to point out that me and mom got into it bigtime. Everything's fine now though, so no worries.

Today, I did not go to school. I didn't feel wonderful, but I felt good enough to go school, I just didn't want to have to deal with all the people. This is becoming a problem, I think, because I feel like this most of the time. I got to sleep though, and I am beginning to wonder if my insomnia is actually me being nocturnal in a world where I have to function during the day.

On the plus side, I finally had time to watch Big Fish, which I checked out from the library ages ago. It was an ok movie, and Ewen McGregor was really cute in it, but for being a Tim Burton movie, it just didn't live up to expectation. But, like I said, Ewen McGregor was really cute in it. Sometimes he is so cute, and sometimes he is just so ugly.

Also we rented a movie on payperview called The Children. It was hella scary. There were creepy kids in it. And they were British. Yeah. It was definitely worth the five bucks it took to rent it. Dishnetwork is getting expensive.

Ok, so now to the real story I am writing this blog about. Today, Empire delivered it's second win of the week (the first being the unblogged about victory of Johnny Depp in the 100 Sexiest) when I received my weekly newsletter thing I get from them. In the opening blurb type thing, the writer mentioned recently watching a web series called The Guild. Scanning the paragraph, a few things caught my eye. Well, two things actually. Joss Whedon and Felicia Day. I almost peed my pants. It turned out that Joss Whedon doesn't direct the web series that follows the lives of the six gamers in the Knights Of Good guild, but Felicia Day does. Joss Whedon was mentioned for the Dr. Horrible thing.

Needless to say I spent six hour watching the complete first and second seasons, and what they have of the third season. It is epic. I do love it quite a bit. So, new obsession, yay! Oh, and I found out that Felicia Day was one of the potential slayers in Buffy.

Oh, and I am quite possibly going on a sort of double date tomorrow with Austin and a couple of guys from Morgantown. Not really sure about all that, but I get to see Paranormal Activity, so, again, yay!

It's Nine In The Afternoon

So, past couple of days have been kind of weird. First of all, my keyboard has decided to rebel against me by not typing every letter I hit, which is rather annoying. But, that's pretty much besides the point.

Morgan and John dated. For a day. They're broken up now, but I find it odd. I don't know why I find it odd, I basically set them up. But, I think I'm now going after him. Even though he breaks two of my rules, the no one younger and the no one preppy. Although he isn't as preppy as he seems. He's really not at all like he seems. For instance, he is developing guns. You know, biceps. Anyway, tomorrow I'm asking him if he wants to go to the movies Saturday with me and Austin. As friends of course.

For another thing, I am now officially part of Wilky's plan to get Sylvia back. I told him I was only doing it because he was the only boyfriend of hers that I actually liked. I don't think he cared.

Mr. Lewis finally went to far today. He told Tiffany that if she had done something, of which I am not really sure of, sooner, she would still have a boyfriend. Tiffany left the room in tears, and in about ten minutes Mrs.Smith was showing up at Mr. Lewis' door, giving him hell about being ot of line. I hate him, he's a son of a bitch, and his kids are going to grow up and be pigs.

Our Town (And Yours, And Yours, And Yours)

So, I just got home from the final performance of Our Town at The Kentucky Repertory Theatre. I am now very sad, because this was a lot of fun. I made a lot of new friends, such as Emily and Andrew, who are amazing. Emily reminds me of me crossed with Tiffany. Which is cool, because they are her upward bound friends. They're from Allen county, who don't suck like I initially thought, they were just kind of off during that practice or something. The Larue county kids were stuckup. Well, most of them. I like Holly, and Holly's friend. And Gretchen was pretty cool.

The coolst thing was between the two shows today. We totally just wandered arond the theatre and walked around the buildings outside of it. I wasn't wearing pants, just leggings, and it was 40 degrees. So, I froze. We went to this awesome litle store that Jacob and I went to yesterday, called the Gypsey's Closet. It's awesome. They sell bongs. And witchcraft type stuff. They actually have some books on it in the back. And the outside is painted purple. I bought two bumperstickers, two feathers, five bracelets, one ring, and a worry doll, which is supposed to take a way all your worries. I don't really know if it works though. I hope it does.

Also, between the plays, a bunch of us played improv games on the stage. We felt really weird playing improv games on the stage of the Kentucky Repertory Theatre. We played this one game called The Connection Game, where someone stood onstage and says "Hi my name is So-And-So and I Such-And-Such." If you had what they said about themself in common with them, you had to sprint to the stage and hold their hand. I ended up holding hands with Katelyn, because we love music, and with John, because we are unnaturally obsessed with 90's music.

One of the coolest things, in my opinion, would have to be the circle. When we did it on Friday, we Edmonson County kids just kind of got in our circle to do our pre-show ritual, and some Allen county kids and a couple of Larue kids just came over and joined us. We did not expect this at all, but we let them in. the circle kept growing too, and by our last show is was almost everyone. I find this awesome.

Last night I went to Austin's party. He totally put a condom on his foot. It didn't break for a while either. I also stood outside in a puddle, barefoot, in, like, 30 degree weather. On the phone. With Cole. Yeah, Tiffany's ex boyfriend. I just called him to see if he was ok which he wasn't, but he also didn't want to talk to me, so I didn't realy help him at all. I did tell him that I still consider him one of my friends though, and that definitely didn't make things worse.

So I Hate You (Who Cares?)

I posted a blog on myspace about Aaron, but I just know he hasn't read it. He won't read it either. I'm so fed up with him I can't even believe it. But, whatever, I'm done.

We went to Horse Cave Theatre today. Well, Kentucky Repertoire Theatre, but close enough. It's huge backstage. Dooley said it wasn't that big back there, but it is huge, especially compared to our backstage. The sad thing is, we did so much better there than we do at our school. It makes no sense, I know, but it was true. And then Allen county launched into the third act, because that's their act, and Larue county wasn't there today. They made us look Broadway good they sucked so much. I felt bad for them. There was a cute guy in a Power Rangers t shirt from there though, and he was pretty good.

So, tomorrow is the show. The one for the schools. I'm extremely nervous. Awesome.

Where's Your Fearless Leader Now?

I haven't written recently because I have found myself absorbed in my new hobby. Yelling at random people on myyearbook. It is very stress relieving, and I even got Morgan to do it with me. I just look for an obnoxious forum, and start some trouble. It's great, because I don't know any of these people. Although, in about March, there will be a 19 year-old new mother driving over from Reno to kick my ass, because I told her her baby would be ugly due to genetics, and because I then proceeded to tell her that she should donate some of her forehead to burn victims, because she would still have plenty left over. I am devilish.

I talked to Aaron today, for about five minutes on myspace instant message, until his quit. They should seriously fix that. We didn't really talk about anything, but he didn't seem like he was trying to end the conversation or anything. Rereading those lines, it totally sounds like he just signed off mid conversation, but mine does it all the time too, so I doubt it was the case.

Jared has a girlfriend now. He was still totally flirting with me in Spanish though. He makes no sense to me. None at all.

You Say Heroine, I Say Heroin

Last night I was too pissed off to blog. I decided to torture myself and look at Aaron's myspace prfile. Somehow, I am still his number four. How the hell that is, I'm not entirely sure. Loren, his sister, was on, and I came that close to messaging her and asking her if her brother was on drugs or something. But I think she might tell him if I asked her that. Me thinks he would not appreciate me asking his little sister if he was on drugs.

He has no idea what it's like to wake up every morning to thoughts of him. I wake up, and I think of him, and my heart breaks all over again. I thought girls who said stuff like that were just being dramatic, but it's true. I really do feel that way. I'm not mad at him about not returning my feelings, I got over that a long time ago. It's the fact that he's avoiding me over something he thinks could be true. Because I never once confirmed my feelings to him. Never. Fuck him.

Well, on a lighter note, I went shopping today. I know, I was supposed to go yesterday, but Moms was sick (Shock Shock) so we went today. I ended up not getting my hair cut. It was kinda my choice. For one thing, I didn't really want to sit in that chair for god knows how long, and for another, I'm still not entirely sure what I want done to the back.


I bought a bunch of crap today. I bought a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers t shirt and leather jacket at JCPenny's. The leather jacket doesn't sound me, but it totally is. At Hot Topic I bought the Mayday Parade CD, a t shirt, and blue hair dye. Yes, that's right, blue hair dye. And Mom knows about it too. I'm going to streak it tomorrow. At Fye I bought Stay Alive, which I have wanted for a while now. At Wal-Mart I bought Transformers band-aids (For Real), orange earbuds, and Boys Like Girls' CD. Bother those CDs are excellent, by the way. Oh, any my Glee t shirt got here today, and it is also excellent. Over fall break I believe that I accumulated a week's worth of new shirts. Paramore, Mayday Parade, Glee, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and Wolverine. That's five, and I have five days of school in a week. I am uber excited.

Going back over this week's posts, I realized that I somehow managed to leave out something that happened, that's pretty major. A certain friend of mine that I have been flirting with texted me the other night, and he was drunk. So for the last few days I have been pondering something. A guy tells you that he is interested in someone else, but he texts you when he's drunk. I see nothing here that makes any sense. But, I don't have to worry about him doing ti again, due to the fact that I went 300 texts over my limit last month, and won't have texting until the 27th of this month, if even then.

The Philosophy Of Ninjas

If they have one, I can't tell you it. Sorry.

Soon, I think I will begin work on my Buffy: The Philosophy. I think I could do it. I got Oz's story down, Buffy's is pretty much self-explanatory, and I'm beginning to understand the Faith thing. I just got off of Barnes And Noble's website, and people are pretty serious about dissecting Buffy and determining the many different meanings of the metaphors. Yeesh.

Oh, I bought Ramen Noodles today. I have yet to eat them, but this excites me. I hope they're good. It just seems to me that I am going to be a lot cooler if I eat Ramen Noodles. Cooler to myself, I mean. I think it's socially weird to eat them, actually, but whatever. Through the package, it feels like a rice cake. Which I also bought today. Honey Nut flavored. They are very delightful. I bought this stuff in hopes of starting a diet, but I also bought a donut, a pound of Swedish Fish, and a Hershey's bar. Oh, and Spree this morning. All I have left of that is the Hershey's bar. I feel about ten pounds heavier. Oh well.

When typing the tags for this, I was shocked to see that Buffy has not been tagged yet. That must have been my summer blog.

Getting Back To Business

About a year ago, I set out to write something that wasn't just me trying to escape from my head. I write a lot, and not just this blog. I write a lot of short stories. Very very rarely do I ever finish one, and when I do, it isn't worth reading, because usually it's just a blank character standing in for me, saying and doing all the things I wish I could. So now, I'm giving that up. It didn't really help anyway. Not enough to really matter. I started a story two nights ago and I can't even remember anything about it now. It's just time for something new.

So now, I'm going to do it. I'm going to write what I've been trying to write about for the last year. I'm going to take Sarah Dessen's voice, Diablo Cody's language, my friends' quirks, and my own personality, and I'm going to make something great. Or at least I'm going to give it my best shot.

So, for the next few weeks - hell, maybe even months - I will be immersing myself into the details. This has always been something I've needed to work on, and now, I'm actually going to do it. I have twenty-five bucks, maybe I'll buy a book on writing when we go to Bowling Green on Thursday.

Muahahaha (And Other Short Stories)

Today was spent lounging around in my pajamas, watching movies and eating too many pretzels. I feel like poop. I don't know what I have although I do know it isn't swine flu. On the plus side, I get the remote no questions asked when I'm sick. I watched some very good movies today too. So, of course I have to talk about them.

First off this morning would be When Harry Met Sally, which came on ABC Family. I had never actually seen this movie until today, and it was wonderful. Of course, after In The Land Of Women, I have found myself partial to Meg Ryan. But that is besides the point. I also agree with Harry's philosophy that men and women can never be friends because of the sexual tension. I agree almost completely. I am friends with some guys that I would never think about having sex with, and they would never think about having sex with me. As a whole though, that is true.

Then I watched Hot rod on Encore. This was solely because there was absolutely nothing to watch. It turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would be. It's not Brittany's-New-Favorite-Movie good, but it's pretty funny. If I catch it on TV again, I may just watch it. Although, I do still have a grudge about the whole special episode of Scarred thing, which was totally misleading...

After Hot Rod, I watched Grosse Pointe Blank, a movie that, thanks to Empire and Sporcle, I have wanted to see for a while now. For one thing, if both those sites love it, AND it's got John Cusack in it, it's the movie for me, because I love that man. A lot. He is the everyman, more than any other everyman there ever was. He's so attractive in that way that you can never quite put your finger on, except that you know it has something to do with an attractive dork. Anyway, if you've ever seen that movie, he is a hitman. Now, for those of you who don't know me very well, I find movie hitmen very attractive. For god's sake, one of my favorite movies is Mr. And Mrs. Smith, and I don't watch it just for Vince Vaughn. Bangkok Dangerous ain't to shabby either. I'm a sick, sick individual, I know.

Now, for the final movie, I watched Mermaids. Which has absolutely nothing to do with Mermaids, I am just going to point that out right now. Although Cher does at one point dress up like one. And yes, I said Cher. It's OK though, Christina Ricci and Winona Ryder are both in it. Anyway, it is a hilarious movie and I love it. I recommend it.

Now, on a side note, I have found myself addicted to the websites www.fmylife.com and www.mylifeisaverage.com. Very entertaining stuff.

Matthew Gray Gubler: A Love Story

If you don't know by now that I watch Criminal Minds, either I am very lax in my explanations of things I love or you're an idiot. Don't take offense, it's probably the first one. Anyway, of all the Criminal Minds peeps, I am completely in love with Spencer Reid. He would be my fictional boyfriend if i had one. Since I love Spencer Reid and all that he represents, it is only natural that I love Matthew Gray Gubler as well, for delivering unto me, a perfectly quirked, screwed up in the head in a way that makes you love him character. Recently, Matthew Gray Gubler has also been in one of my new favorite movies, 500 Days Of Summer. So, all around, he is just plain awesomeness. I found out earlier, after cyber stalking for about half an hour, that he was a model for Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, and some others. I google images him for some pics of this, and I found some delectable shots of this and more. So, for your viewing pleasure, here they are.

Can't Be To Careful Anymore

Today was the first day of fall break. Yay! I do love me some fall break. Me and Mom went to Bowling Green today. I got a shitload of stuff too, if I do say so myself. I got the new Paramore CD, the new Three Days Grace CD, a scarf, a Fred sticker, a Paramore t shirt, a Wolverine t shirt, and purple lights to string around my ceiling. But, i can't do that until we get some black thumbtacks next week, because we have no way to hold them to the wall. But still, I am pretty excited about that. It's going to look absolutely epic.

I'm listening to the Paramore CD right now, and so far it is pretty damn good. Of course, I'm not surprised, it's Paramore, and I do love them. It came with a free poster, of them on the cover of AP last month.

Next week, I'm getting my hair cut, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting the second holes in my ears pierced again. I'm pretty happy about that.

Up Against The Wall

That was the first song that played when I hit shuffle on my ipod...

Anyway, past few days have been crazy time, because I was trying to hurry and finish all the physics stuff I could, and I was trying to learn all the lines I can for the play, plus I'm all thoroughly depressed over this Aaron shit. I mean, it is just ridiculous. I understand that he obviously doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him, and that just can't be helped. It's the douchey way he is treating me that is making me feel so bad. That's not him. It just isn't.

I found out today that this girl I don't like think she's a lesbian. I honestly think that's pretty funny, because just two or three weeks ago she was trying to hook her skanky little claws in Aaron. And it's not like I'm homophobic. Austin is my best friend and I have a few lesbian and bi friends. Speaking of, the girl has been flirting with Colleen like crazy at lunch, and I was talking about it with her in front of Sydney, and it was so funny, you could almost see Sydney putting on her butch pants and getting ready for a throwdown.

I think Cody Scott was trying to get in my pants today in the prop hall. I went in there to talk to Kaitlyn about this thing we were supposed to do for John The Freshman, and the light wasn't on, so I went in first, and held the door open for her to come on in. But, instead of her, he came in, and started grabbing at me. He tried to play it off like he was joking, but that's just because I was overpowering him, I think. He's been touching my leg and stuff a lot lately, and calling me. That's just what I need.

I'm A Million Different People From One Day To The Next

A part of The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" which plays at the end of a very excellent movie by the name of Cruel Intentions, which stars the kick-ass Sarah Michelle Geller. But I digress.

I know that a blog or two ago I said I was finished with Aaron, but it's not that simple. You, whoever it is that apparently keeps viewing my profile and hopefully reading my blog, probably knew that. It's just that I love him, or at least I think I love him. And if I do love him, it's not going to be that simple. At all. Every day I pass him in the hall, between second and third block, and it kills me because he doesn't stop and say hi. Go back a few months and I would have been late to class because we would've been talking so long.

But now, he doesn't even look my way. I don't know what his problem is. I considered him one of my best friends, my best dude friend as a matter of fact. And for a long time, I was number four on his myspace, the first girl. That means something in my world. Right now, I'm punishing myself. I just clicked his picture in my top friends window on my homepage. Right now, in another tab, his profile is loading, and I'm going to see where I'm at now. I won't be surprised if I'm not on there at all.

Wow. I'm still number four. First girl. I am very, very surprised. I love him. I do. And I fucking hate it so fucking much because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can barely keep him as a friend, there's no way I'll ever be able to have anything more with him.

I only realized a month or two ago, but I have loved him for 422 days. Well, 423 about an hour ago. There's nothing I can do about it.

I haven't slept lately. I'm becoming an insomniac. It is not fun. At all. When Edward Norton's character in Fight Club described insomnia as never being asleep, but never really being awake either, he hit it right on the head. I just wish I could sleep.

This Song Will Always Be For You (Forever And Never)

You know, the characters that one identifies themself with really says a lot about a person. I've known this for a long time, but it just astounds me, sometimes, the characters that make me think of myself. For one, Dr. Horrible is me. Well, he has more penis, is hotter, and is played by a gay man, but the point is, the basic identity of Dr. Horrible, or Billy, as his "alter-ego" introduces himself to Penny, is just like mine. He is an everyman that will never ever be completely satisfied with that. He chooses the supervillian approach to getting out of his everyman rut, but that's just a huge metaphor for not being inherently good, which no one, not even Nathan Fillion's Captain Hammer, can possibly be.

Dr. Horrible isn't exactly a creature of evil though, he's just trying to make a way for himself in a world he doesn't completely understand. He's just trying to show The Girl that he's not just a loser, and he tries to do it the only way he can, which is being his not-so-good-or-perfect self.

Listening to the song "Brand New Day" from the show earlier made me realize that I just wish I could do that. Not kill anyone, obviously, just say "to hell with all this shit about pretending to be good. I'm not good." Don't get me wrong here, I'm not trying to pretend I'm evil or anything, because I'm not. I just don't even believe in superheroes. And by that I mean that I don't think anyone out there can do something good without ever having a single selfish motive behind it. And doing something good for a selfish reason doesn't make it doing something bad, the good was still done. It just takes the hero out of it.

It's like how people always talk about how police officers and firemen and such are these great heroes, when really they're just men and women earning a paycheck. Sure, they weren't forced into the job, they chose to do it, but they all choose to do it for selfish reasons. But, like I said, a good thing done for selfish reasons is still a good thing.

I don't know, I'm sorry, I know this blog jumped around randomly with all sorts of crazy sidesteps that never seemed to get back on course, but I just needed to rant my heart out, and this was the only place I could do it that wouldn't lose me a friend or two. So, feel free to just pretend you never read any of this crap.

A Few Thousand Important Things

First of all, a recap of the fair since I didn't really write during it. Went first Thursday, the free Wednesday, and second Friday night. I think I wrote about Thursday. If I didn't, I'll blog about it later. On that Wednesday, I saw the psychic. He told me a lot of stuff, that I'd been having trouble with my mother figure, and that I had an important decision to make about relationships in the next two days. He hit that one right on the head, because exactly forty eight hours later I made a decision. I decided that Aaron is no longer worth all the trouble he is putting me through. I love him, but I don't care. I'm putting all that aside from now on, and he's just a friend.

Friday night at the fair I got to hang out with Lyn-Z, until she found out that Curtis had lied to her, then I got to herd her little sisters around with the occasional help of Richard, Colton, and Chris. Honestly, I think I might have a little bit of a thing for Richard, although it may just be the fact that he;s adorable. That's actually probably it.

Thursday night I went home with Morgan. We watched In The Land Of Women, until her DVD player mysteriously wouldn't connect to any tv in her house. It was weird. Then, on Friday, instead of going to the fair like we had planned, we decided to go watch (500) Days Of Summer. It was amazing! And not just because I have a Zooey Deschanel/Matthew Gray Gubler weakness. It was actually an amazing movie. And the tagline fit it great. "This Is Not A Love Story, It's A Story About Love."

I kind of skipped school today. I got on the bus this morning, got some bad cramps, Mom picked me up at Kyrock, went home, took some Midol, felt all better, and went shopping. I bought the Director's cut of the first episode of glee on DVD for five bucks. I get a free t shirt. And I bought some white nail polish and Parachute's CD. It is pretty good.

Now, for the grand finale of this blog, I have found my new obsession. It is called Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. If, my dear readers, you have no yet heard of this, I suggest you immediately go to the_website and watch them. It's three episodes, although if it's on the interweb, it's more like six, and it stars Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion. And, best of all, it was created by god. I mean Joss Whedon. Well, same thing really. Tomorrow I will be buying the complete series off itunes for five dollars, and I am very excited.

It's Only Time (Until You Find Out)

Patrick Swayze died today. This makes me sad. I like him.

I found out that my phone is able to do bluetooth between phones. At&T are lying bastards, so I'm not surprised.

One Tree Hill started back tonight. It was ok, but without Peyton and Lucas it can only ever be sub-par.

Wow, I had less to say than I thought.

It's Been A Long Time Coming

So I haven't posted in about eleven days. Sue me. A lot has been going on.

First of all, Katie and I still aren't friends, although I think she thinks we are. Aaron is no longer mad at me. He says he never was, but I don't really believe that. Kyle dumped Amy, basically for Katie, and I think he's a moron. I got a new cell phone, an orange AT&T Quickfire. The fair is in town, and last night Jake tried to kiss me. And a new friend named Jared agreed to be my fuckbuddy, but he won't date me. Not that I really want either.

Well, that's what all has happened in a nutshell.

Also, over the past couple of days I have realized, due in part to the movies American Beauty and Alex & Emma, that I am so totally in love with Aaron that it is ridiculous of me to even think I could be happy with someone else. Confused? I'll explain. Alex & Emma, the Luke Wilson Kate Hudson rom-com where he's the author and she's the stenographer, is where I stole that entire sentence, more or less. If you haven't seen this movie, Netflix that shit. Or just watch Music & Lyrics, just imagine Luke Wilson instead of Hugh Grant, and Kate Hudson instead of Drew Berrymore. Although those two look so much alike, it wouldn't be difficult, and writing books instead of songs.

American Beauty comes into the equation because of the character of Ricky Fitts. He is much like Aaron, although a lot weirder. Aaron's weird, but not that weird. Anyway, I completely fell in fictional character love with Ricky Fitts, and I realized that if I could like a character so undeniably strange (for god's sake he thought that-Spoiler!- Kevin Spacey's brains all splattered around the kitchen was beautiful, you could just tell by the look on his face) then I had to be in complete awe of Aaron. And I am. I love him so much, or at least I have deeper feelings for him than I have for anyone before, and that really does feel like love.

Everything's Eventual

Good book. Collection of short stories by Stephen King. He's right, the short story really is a dying art. Go out and buy a copy.

So, everything's pretty much been shit lately. I know it's just gonna be a matter of time before my dirty laundry gets aired around school because Katie can't keep her mouth closed about anything. But, I don't even care anymore. Her loss.

Field trip pretty much sucked. Two people groped each other all day, and that was amusing, but I had a migraine and that sucked balls.

I'm in way over my head with physics. I should have never signed up for that class, it is way more than I can handle.

Words Unspoken, Lies Still Broken

Funniest shit ever happened today. During third block we were sitting there, and Mr. Moore is on the computer while we did definitions, and he's reading something about the Michale Jackson thing. And he goes "So, they've decided it was murder." That gets Zac and Andrew started in their little corner about how it's good enough for him and all that jazz, and Austin's sitting there with this look on his face like they're saying the worst stuff ever. So I say, "Austin, he was a child molester, don't sit there with that look on your face like he was a saint." Victoria couldn't keep her two cents out of it, so she said "I heard on the radio that those people say they made it up" in this real snide voice. So I say, fed up with her shit, "OK, but you don't have to be such a sniveling little bitch about it." To her face. Mr. Moore heard it to, I know he did, but he didn't say a word. She was all like, "What did you just call me?" So I adopted this innocent who me? expression on my face and said "Did I say something? I don't think I did. Tiffany, did you hear anything?" It was so funny. Then she started talking to Katie about me, but fuck that bitch too.

She told Colleen today that I was being a bitch. Yeah, I'm the on being the bitch. She's so goddamn stupid sometimes. She said to me at lunch today "Brittany, just tell me what I did, I don't know what I did." So, again, sick of her shit, I said "Katie, you never know what you did," and got up and left the table. She hasn't talked to me since.

I just really hate people, you know?

Oh, and I didn't get to go to the Mexican restaurant with Joe and Austin, because Mom is a controlling bitch. If she doesn't know every tony detail of what I'm doing, I can't do it. It's going to be funny if she says something about em never wanting to hang out with my friends.

Days go By (But I'm Still the Same)

So, there's this 21 year old guy. Austin likes him quite a bit. We've been talking on the phone, the three of us on three way. And, I sort of like him, a little bit. OK, I like him a considerable bit more than a little.

I feel really bad about that though, because that will be about the fourth time that's happened. But, not my fault.

So, Katie and I aren't friends any longer. To make a long story short, she thought I was talking about her to Nick, so she talked about em to Aaron. So, that friendship is now null and void.

However, Joseph and I are friends again. I don't know why we even bother, we always end up friends again, like nothing ever happened.

Monologues

Velma Kelly (Catherine Zeta-Jones): My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, backflips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero. The three of us boozin' , having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back...open the door...and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen: the Spread Eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock; I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, (viciously) I even knew they were dead.

Selene: The war had all but ground to a halt in the blink of an eye. Lucian, the most feared and ruthless leader ever to rule the Lycan clan, had finally been killed. The Lycan horde scattered to the wind in a single evening of flame and retribution. Victory, it seemed, was in our grasp, the very birthright of the vampires. Nearly six centuries had passed since that night, yet the ancient feud proved unwilling to follow Lucian to the grave. Though Lycans were fewer in number, the war itself had become more perilous, for the moon no longer held her sway. Older, more powerful Lycans, were now able to change at will. The weapons had evolved, but our orders remained the same: Hunt them down and kill them off, one by one. A most successful campaign. Perhaps too successful. For those like me, a Death Dealer, this signaled the end of an era. Like the weapons of the previous century, we, too, would become obsolete. Pity, because I lived for it.

I didn't get into Cole's play, but we're doing Our Town with Horse Cave theatre, and these are my two possible monologues. One's from Chicago and the other's from Underworld.

Lots of shit is hitting the fan. I'll blog about it tomorrow.

Let The Rain Fall Down (And Wash Away)

So, Katie and Nick are officially over. He says for good. I do not blame him one bit. She's still hung up on Kyle, and it is getting to all of us. It doesn't help that Victoria and Stephanie are being bitches and getting right in the middle of it, telling Katie that they can't see her with anyone other than Kyle.

The thing is, everybody always talks about how much happier she was with Kyle, including her. But they're all wrong. I was the one she called crying practically every day while they were dating, and that isn't happy. And Kyle's with Amy now, and she likes him so much, and that's good, because I'm friends with Amy too. Although Katie hates her. Just like she hated Colleen, but she sure as hell doesn't now.

Plus, Katie's got it in her head somehow that I told Nick a bunch of stuff that she said, and I didn't. She even told me that he told her I said it, which wasn't true, because Nick doesn't do that. But it's going to be very hard to convince her of that, especially with her new best friends Stephanie and Victoria covering their own asses the whole time. They probably told her I told him.

Plus, me and Joseph aren't really friends anymore because I told him this afternoon that I was so sick of him being a fucking dick about Katie having his copy of Weeds in her house when it burned. Then I told him "Fuck you."

I punched my locker so hard during ten minute break that it bloodied my knuckles, and they swelled pretty bad. They look fine now, besides being a little pink, and the tiniest bit puffy, but they looked awful then. I was mad because I had braced myself to confront Aaron in the hallway outside our third blocks at the beginning of ten minute break, but his class had gone to the lab, and by the time I found him,, I had lost my courage. So, I beat the shit out of my locker.

Tiffany said Cole and her saw me do it, but were scared to come ask me what was wrong, because they thought I might hit them. Well, Cole thought that anyway.

Auditions are tomorrow.

A Whisper And A Clamor (I Know What Lies Taste Like)

So, I don't really know if I blogged about Aaron being a complete dick to me. I don't think I've blogged at last few days. So, I guess I'll start there.

Over the weekend we were talking over myspace like we always do, and he mentioned the fact that all my friends keep trying to get him to ask me out. I responded with "Oh my God, really?" He was like yeah, and then he was talking about how Nikki was giving him suggestive glances in the hallway last Friday when I was standing there with her, Andy, and Aaron. So I told him that she wants us to talk, and he said that we talk every fucking day. So I said, yeah, but she wants us to do the kind of talking people do before they start dating. And he said, and I quote, "I would never do that." I'm still trying to play it cool so I say, yeah well, she doesn't seem to know that. He said, and I quote again, "Do you?" Still attempting to play it cool I asked him what the hell he was talking about. He said stupid stuff. So, I asked him what stupid stuff, and he hasn't even read it, and this was Saturday night. I haven't talked to him the past two days at school.

Nick talked to him today and told him why I wasn't talking to him, and he told Nick he was going to talk to me tomorrow at school, but I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I don't know if I want to hear what he has to say, especially if he's going to act like he did this weekend. I understand that it must get annoying, all my friends harassing him to ask me out, but it's not my fault.

Everything feels like it's falling apart and I hate it. As soon as I manage to fix one problem, about three more spring up in it's place. It's like the heads of that monster thing that Hercules beheaded. The Hydra. Damn I am a geek. Oh well.

Back 2 Good

That is a very good song by a very good band, Matchbox 20. Last Thursday was Katie's birthday. She is sixteen now. I think that's pretty awesome.

I honestly don't have much to write. Something pretty awesome happened yesterday during Spanish, but I won't talk about it, because that would be stupid.

Aaron sent me a message on myspace, talking about how all my friends keep trying to get him to ask me out. He didn't sound happy about it. So I'm just kind of going along with what he's saying about how they should just leave us alone about it and all that. It bothers me a lot though, because one minute he's telling Morgan he likes me, and the next he's annoyed because people want him to ask me out. He just doesn't make sense in my mind.

Then again, here lately, nothing has really made sense in my mind. Everything feels like a TV that has the volume turned down. Not on mute, just turned down so that the drama on the screen doesn't seem so big. If that makes any sense. Nick thought I was stoned the other day in first block. I wasn't.

I watched Music & Lyrics today. It was good, for a rom-com featuring Hugh Grant. Ok, just kidding, because I love Hugh Grant. But, it was a good movie.

No Tiene Nada Gue Ver Con Gofres

That's "It's Not About Waffles" in Spanish.

Katie's birthday is tomorrow, but I haven't got her anything yet, because I haven't been anywhere. So, I should probably try and go somewhere this weekend.

I checked out Pride And Prejudice And Zombies today from the library. It's going to be absolutely epic.

So, meteor shower. Awesome. Completely awesome. It was absolutely beautiful.

So, a friend of mine asked me today if I wanted to buy some cocaine. I don't know if he was joking or not. I have absolutely no clue. None. Whatsoever. And I've heard he does that stuff. I hate high school.

A-Ha And The Bunnymen

Two eighties bands, awesome mash up. Anyway.

So, last night, I got high. On accident. See, I was sick, so I took a bunch of ibuprofen, sort of hoping it would make me feel better. It did, just not the way I planned. And in my altered state, I took some more. I don't know just how many I took, but it was a bunch. I don't really remember anything after that, except talking to Nick, and I don't remember anything I said. He said I was really mushy about Aaron and that I giggled a lot...

This afternoon, talking to Austin, I ended up crying, because I was talking about why I can't tell Aaron, because of how scared I am of losing him, and I actually cried, and I think that scared Austin, because I don't cry on the phone. Like, ever. But I did.

Four Minutes To Midnight

So, the movie last night was extremely good. Well, the ending pretty much sucked, but the rest of it was awesome. It was like if you took Saw, and gave it a realistic plotline. Well, mostly realistic. Believable, anyway. It was really gory without being completely ridiculously gory. I mean, I've seen waay gorier movies, but this wasn't exactly clean. Anyway, something weird Morgan and I both noticed was that everytime we covered our eyes, they'd bump their arms against arms. We don't know if it was a coincidence, or what, but it kept happening.

Of course, Morgan and I stayed up til two thirty this morning analyzing every tiny little thing. WE didn't come up with much. What was weird though was we were talking about Jake, all of us were, in the car, and Morgan was talking about how she came back form a horrible date one time and Jake calmed her down and threatened to beat the guy up. And Brian was all like, "It wasn't me was it?" So Morgan was thinking, are we dating? What the hell. It was kind of funny.

Nothing really good happened between me and Aaron. Which was disappointing. But, I've decided that I don't really want a boyfriend, because that always leads to the guy trying to act like a boyfriend, and I want Aaron to act like himself. I just wish I could tell him that I like him without having to worry about that changing everything. I mean, that boy is quite literally the reason I am still alive. He has talked me down from a figurative ledge so many times, and I don't think he knows it either.

Nick made us sick. Us being me and Austin. He was sick last week, and now we have it. I just hope I didn't make Aaron or Morgan or Brian sick last night, because that would really suck. It took all my willpower not to literally pounce on that boy last night and start making out. Stupid female feelings.

A Hop, Skip, And One Giant Leap

Going to the movie tonight. That hasn't changed, but I feel like everything is going to hell around me. For one thing, Katie think s we all hate her, and she even told Nick she hates him. See, we were all discussing her attitude lately during Spanish yesterday, and Nick told her. We're fine with that, it's just she's now pissed at us all, because we were all "talking behind her back." I don't consider it talking behind her back though, because we were just trying to get together a game plan so we would all be on the same page.

But now, she's pissed, and I might have lost my best friend.

Boop Boopy Doop

So, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Aaron likes me. He told Morgan, and she told me. But he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. But that's ok, because I don't think I want a boyfriend right now either. So, I suppose this is kind of a good thing.

He told her he thinks we are perfect for each other. Perfect. But then he was all self-deprecating like he always is.

We're still going to the movies tomorrow. We'll see The Collector. I hope it's awesome. I bet it's awesome.

John Hughes, RIP

So, as you may or may not know by now, John Hughes, the director of The Breakfast Club, and all the other Brat Pack picture films, died today. He had a heart attack. This really is sad, because it was my dream to meet this man and personally thank him for all that he's done. I was in shock when I found out.

But, on a lighter note, the finale of So You Think You Can Dance was tonight. Jeanine, my top girl, won. I was slightly disappointed that Evan didn't win, but I was still happy that Jeanine won instead. I cannot wait until the fall season this year.

School was uneventful today. I think I have my Spanish speaking countries down pat, and that's good.

Apparently, everyone but me knew that I was in love with Aaron. I mean, even Cole knew. I mean, for real? Cole knew and I didn't? What the hell? Am I that unobservant?

I'm Under Your Spell

Nick made fun of Mrs. Cassidy to her face today. That was damn awesome. Stupid bitch needs to mind her own damn business. We don't know yet if he has AE tomorrow. But, his friends backed him up the whole way. As in, we just kind of quietly slunk into the shadows so the beast wouldn't notice us.

Spanish still sucks. At least Lindsay got transferred in. So now I'm in there with Austin, Lydia, Nick, Leanne, Lindsay, and Chelsey, Awesome! I think I'm starting to understand some of what Mr. Lewis says at least.

My hair ended up looking like shit. It's all the humidity. Pisses me off though. It probably doesn't help that Denise doesn't even close the fucking windows at night. She's a dipshit.

I had a see-each-other-across-the-room-and-smile moment with someone today. A special someone. It was epic. Oh, and I met a girl from Germany.

I've Got Friends In Highly Low Places

Forever The Sickest Kids bitches.

Yesterday's post was extremely dramatic. I don't know what got into me. That just happens sometimes.

So, I hate my Spanish Class. It's being taught by a pompous, pretentious, sonofabitch that thinks he's so much better than us because he can speak Spanish and we can't. Dick. And, we have a quiz on Friday where we have to label a map with all the Spanish speaking countries. Suckage. I have a quiz over the states that same day a block before.

This morning during first block they called me out of Physics to tell me that I had Physics. I felt like saying, "No shit Sherlock." And the guidance counselor was a complete bitch. I hate almost everybody that works at that school.

On a lighter note, Daniel smelled really good, as usual.

The Prologue, Or A Bit Of What Happened Before

As a precursor to everything that will be said in this blog, I'm just going to explain a little about me.

As my About Me or whatever it's called on here clearly states, my name is Brittany, I am 16 years old, and I'm a Capricorn. Yes, I believe in those Zodiac things. Today was my first day as a junior in high school.

Now, none of that really matters.

If you're reading my blog, you'll soon find out that I have a life that would rival a prime time soap opera. Here is the rundown of what's going on right now in my life.

My best girl friends broke up with her boyfriend today, after nearly having a nervous breakdown about her ex-boyfriend, who is currently dating another one of my friends. They both hate each other of course. Her ex-boyfriend is a dick, and her latest boyfriend is one of my best guy friends, but he is way to worried about the ex-boyfriend. They used to be practically best friends.

One of my other best girl friends is pregnant. Since early summer. Her and her boyfriend were drunk. She's keeping the baby too.

My third girl friend has severe image issues that aren't the fishing for compliments variety that you'd normally find in a high school senior. And I'm not even sure if she knows it.

I'm in love with my best guy friend in the entire world. We are amazing friends, we have a great relationship. Whenever I'm down, which is quite often he never fails to make me feel better. Several of my friends think he likes me too, and I'm going to a movie with him, a friend and her semi-boyfriend. But it's a just friends thing.

My best friend Austin is gay, and he has a lot of drama. Currently, it's under control though.

I have a boyfriend, technically. We went out last year and didn't talk at all this summer. Not once. But, I think he thinks we're still dating.

So, that was my life, up to date, as of right now. Today was my first day of school, and nothing happened, so that's all this blog was, something to catch you up.