Dear 2010 (Hate Mail)

Dear 2010,

I'm not going to lie.  I didn't hate everything about you.  But I would redo you completely in a heartbeat.  There were good things, I got my permit, I became better friends with Sydney, I got accepted into college, and I discovered who my true friends are.  But there were far more things that were simply awful, some things that I can never forgive you for.

You took Ben away from us.  Not your fault, exactly, but you are the year that happened in, so you get some of the blame.  You almost killed my best friend.  This was the year that Joseph totalled that car.  Ask anyone, the damage that was done to that car makes him lucky to be alive.  I performed for the last time at ECHS.  I made a guy cheat on his girlfriend.  And I did so many other things that I regret so much.  tiny, insignificant things, and things with huge impacts on my life, and probably my friend's lives.

So, 2010, I'm not a fan of you, and I hope to whatever deity may be out there that 2011 is better.  Because if it's not...I just hope it is.

Sincerely,
Me.

Hello Again Friend of A Friend

"Black Sheep" from Scott Pilgrim.

I know, I know, second post of the day, but this morning's post was special circumstance.  Anyway, I went shopping today.  And that's pretty much the point of this blog.  Because I enjoy recounting the things I buy, for whatever reason, so feel free to just skip this one...

Anyway, so I got a twenty-five dollar Hot Topic card from one of my aunts for Christmas.  Let me just say, Hot Topic sucks nowadays.  I was going to buy a CD or two, but no.  Because they didn't have anything worth buying.  I ended up only spending about ten bucks on a couple fo those AP mini magazine things, mostly because one was A Day To Remember, and the other one had a Mike Posner bracelet in it, which I am wearing now.  Then I went to FYE, where I finally bought the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack, and it is boss!  I also bought The Script's CD, which is also pretty good.  After that we went to ye olde Wal-Mart, where I got Beneath It All, by Hey Monday, and Punk Goes Pop Volume.  Both of those are epic.

Yeah...so...That was pretty much it.  Just wanted to do that...'Cause I'm weird.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This...

"Sweet Dreams" by The Eurythmics.  Or, if you're more into it, Marilyn Manson.  But his version is just scary as hell.

Anyway, so I'm up blogging this early because I had a terrible dream.  It was another of those not exactly a nightmare by definition but still pretty damn scary dreams.

I'm fuzzy on the beginning of it, but I know I met a guy.  I don't remember what his name was, but he looked just like Jared.  I think he only looked just like Jared to me though, because I had a conversation with somebody in the dream and when I mentioned they looked like twins whoever it was looked at me like I was crazy.

Anyway, at some point we drove this guy's truck down to the creek that really exsists in the woods behind my house.  The truck looked suspisciouslly like Tony's, but I won't delve into that.  Anyway, so we were done at the creek, and my g-pa showed up.  Keep in mind he's certifiably off-his-medication crazy in real life, and that I have a deep seated fear I'll be like that when I get older.  Anyway, he shows up and starts freaking out thinking the guy has kidnapped me or something, and he pulls out a gun and starts shooting at him, so we drive off.  Nothing but the truck got shot, so that wasn't the scary part.  The scary part was when the guy told me he couldn't be with me anymore because of the crazyness.

I guess to anyone else that wouldn't seem like a nightmare, but to me it is.  I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to develop what my g-pa has, and i'm so scared that everyone I love will leave me because of it.

When I woke up the first thought that came to my head was literally "This disease is always going to come between me and the people I love."

My hands are shaking so much right now.  I mean, I know that dreams don't necessarily mean anything, but they don't necessarily mean nothing at the same time.   So I'm scared.

'Cause She's So High, High Above Me...

"She's So High" by Tal Bachman.  Good 90's era song.

So...today was the big day.  My birthday.

Let's start with yesterday though.  We went to Bowling Green, and that's when Mom got my gift.  Actually, gifts.  Yeah, this year I got two, which for someone whose birthday is so close to Christmas, that's amazing.  I got these really bitchin' headphones from Hot Topic.  They have hamburgers on the earpieces, and the part that connects them says "Nom Nom Nom."  They sound really good too.  They also got me a hoodie Western that fits me really well.  Also, with my quickly dwindling Christmas money, I bought Scott Pilgrim, The Collector, and The Boondock Saints.

Anyway, so today.  At midnight, my phone and facebook blew up with people trying to be the first to tell me happy birthday.  It was ridiculous.  Daniel got it simply for the fact that I was on the phone with him when the clock struck midnight.  And throughout the rest of the day people continued to tell me happy birthday.  I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed it.  I ended up not getting my industrial pierced today, seeing as Outer Loop won't have a piercer until Thursday.  I don't know why, they just won't.  So I ended up not going anywhere.  I'm going to make up for that later in the week though, I'm going to go see True Grit or Love & Other Drugs with some people.  Maybe How Do You Know, that movie looks funny.

Now on to what pisses me off.  Jared.  He actually told me happy birthday on my facebook wall, which surprised me, but he didn't bother to respond to the text i sent him later.  You would've thought he could've at least managed to today, seeing as it was only my 18th birthday.  I guess that's a no biggie to him though.

Christmas Time Is Here...

That's from that one song that they play on Charlie Brown.  I don't really know what it's called, and then again, I don't really care.

So, first of all, to anyone reading this, Merry Christmas.  And all that jazz.  Soo...just 'cause I can, I shall recap to you this morning's events.  Because I'm sure you're sitting on the edge of your seats, racked with anticipation, because you want to know what I got for Christmas.  And yes, I can be a smart ass.

Well, actually I'll start with last night.  I opened my Christmas eve present to find that my Mother had bought me the Eeyore stuffed animal I was just dying to have.  I thought she hadn't, because my G-ma had given me the Tigger one, so I assumed she couldn't find it but there it was.  I find that funny because I'm going to be 18 the day after tomorrow and I got Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals for Christmas because I wanted them.  Also it started to snow.  A lot.  It was A Christmas Story on TBS.  Because we love that movie.  Then I went to bed...

...And woke up this morning at 4:30.  Yeah, I know.  Anyway, I didn't actually get out of bed until about five, because I knew my parents would just make me go back to bed if I got up that early anyway.  But I digress.  Santa was kind of skimpy this year.  I mean, I got the same amount of stuff, but most of it was wrapped.  However, Santa did leave me a 2011 Buffy calendar and a TSC donkey that was really cute.  And of course, my stocking, which had some candy, a Piglet figurine type thing, a 25 dollar itunes card, whcih I've already used at least half of, and one of those weird gelly watches that are the hot thing.  And then we got to the presents.

I got Breaking Benjamin's "Dear Agony," A Day To Remember's "For Those Who Have Heart," The Glee Christmas CD, Rocky Horror Glee, volumes five and six of buffy season eight, the venture brothers season one, and, drumroll please....[insert drumroll here]...a stereo!  Yes, the giant box in my living room turned out to be none other than the stereo I wanted.  Of course, I figured that the whole time, but my goofy parents insisted on telling me daily about all the Justin Bieber stuff they'd found and crammed into that box.  But it was actually a stereo, and it sounds absolutely killer.  It makes me happy.

Anyway, I just though I'd give you that recap, and by the way one year ago tonight was the first time I blogged from my laptop.  Quite a few blogs since then, huh?  Anyway, I think we're going shopping tomorrow, and then I'm going with Joseph and Erin to get my industrial pierced on my birthday.  I might arrange it so I go with them during the day so I can go to a movie with Daniel that night, we haven't hung out in forever, and he said if we go on my birthday he'll buy my ticket, which is always a win.

Anywhoo, as I said earlier, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.

Christmas Wrappings Part 2

So...I spent over half of my money today.  I bought my Dad Starship Troopers on DVD.  That was before we even managed to get to Bowling Green.  Here's a run through of what I bought.  I got two Boondock Saint's t-shirts Spencer's, a purse that has speakers at Journey's, a necklace and two rings at Forever 21, and Despicable Me and a Spiderman shirt at Wal-Mart.  I managged to spend a lot.

Also we had Christmas at the g-ma's tonight.  I +.got a stuffed Tigger, the Neon Trees CD, the Glee volume 4 CD, an I Only Date Superheroes purse, and a beautiful jewlery box that I sorely needed.  This one is huge, especially compared to my old one, and some earbuds in my stocking.  We also managed to convince her to give me my birthday gift early, which was a Barnes and Noble giftcard worth 25 dollars.  So I now have fifty for there.

Just though I'd update you.

Deck Those Halls, Trim Those Trees

"Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses.  Good song.

Anyway, we're going to get my laptop today.  It came in yesterday but Mom didn't tell me because she new UPS was coming and our dog likes to try to eat the UPS people.  But we're getting it today, and Christmas with my G-ma is tonight.  I kinda think she got me the fish tank I wanted.

Anyway, I'm blogging because I had one of the worst dreams of my life.  Once again, as with two of the other worst dreams of my life, is was a fairly good dream while I was having it.  The other two being the one where me and Aaron finally got together (during the Aaron craze of course) and I had one right after Ben died that was all about how it was a big joke and he was ok.  This one was about Tony.  Who I try my damndest not to think about.  In the dream he came back to school, and the instant I saw him I felt things in the pit of my stomach that were so strong I'm sure I would have felt them if I was awake, things that make me want to hate myself.  He told me he wanted to get back with me though.  And then I woke up.

I hate dreams like that, because now I feel betrayed by my heart and soul, and I know that sounds incredibly lame, even for me, but it's completely true.

10,000 Watts of Christmas Cheer

That's a song called either "10,000 Watts" or "10,000 Watts of Christmas Cheer" I'm not sure which.  By a band called Crystal Antlers I think.  You can get it for free on Target's website, if you go download a zip reader.  There are some songs well worth it though, such as that one.

Anyway, so a lot has happened since I last blogged.  First of all, I still don't have my laptop back, so I'm on the desktop, which I loathe.  But it's better than nothing.  We're hoping it gets back to Best Buy tomorrow morning so we can go pick it up.  It's already been shipped back, so we're expecting it will get there.  But I digress.

So we ended up only going to school one day last week, and we went on Friday, which was a half day.  So, to make up finals and such, the first week of the new semester is going to pretend it's the last week of the second semester.  After that week we'll be in our regularly scheduled classes, with a week tacked onto the end to make up for the one we missed.  I don't recall if I told you what I got everyone for Christmas, so feel free to skip this part if I already have.  I got Morgan the West Side Story soundtrack on vinyl, Reptar school supplies, and a Reptar slap bracelet.  I got Sydney the Burlesque soundtrack, I got John some Phineas & Ferb pins, I got Ashton some peace sign earrings, I got Erin a musical charms bracelet, and I got Jared a ninja turtle hat, which he loved.

Speaking of Jared...  Things can get so complicated so fast.  It's crazy.  It turns out he likes me.  Which is good.  Except he also likes this other girl.  He says he likes me more than the other girl, but that they aren't as close friends and that gives her the upper hand because he hates dating his close friends.  But he got me a really sweet Christmas present.  He got me the Charlie Brown holiday movie box set thing.  And if you don't know, I LOVE the Charlie Brown stuff.  A lot.  I haven't really talked to him since Saturday night though.  He told me he had a lot of thinking to do, and that's also when he had told me about the other girl.  I don't know who she is for sure, but I have a pretty good guess that I would put money on if it came to that.

On to other things.  I had Christmas with my Dad's mom Saturday night.  She's the one that's not around all that much, and therefore doesn't know me all that well, but she did pretty good this year.  I got a Kathy Van Zeeland purse, which is apparently a big brand, considering that she name dropped it like crazy when I opened it and the price tag says it was ninety dollars.  I'm guessing she got it on sale, but still.  It's really cute though, it's got subdued zebra, snake, and leopard print on it, and it's kind of a greyish silvery color.  I also got a fifty dollar bill, twenty-five in Wal-Mart and twenty-five in Barnes and Noble giftcards.  And a kitten.  True story.  She's the sweetest little thing you've ever laid eyes on.  She's grey and white, mostly grey, and she likes to eat your fingers.  My g-ma had named her Angel, and if I don't think of something better in the next couple of days I'm sticking with it.  Although she is anything but.

Thursday is Christmas with my Mom's mom, and then on Christmas Eve my Dad's dad is coming over.  He already gave us our presents this weekend, a check for $125 each.  But we haven't given him his stuff yet.  And then Christmas of course.  We might be staying home this year, and I honestly really hope we do.  That's probably terrible of me, because that means we won't see our family, but that's exactly why I want to stay home.  After Christmas is my birthday, obviously.  I'm going with Joseph and Erin to get my industrial pierced, for which Joseph is paying, after that whole prom debacle last spring.

But, if I don't blog before Christmas, have a merry one.  Over and out.

Another Six Months I'll Be Unknown

From "Adam's Song" by Blink-182.  Great song.

Anyway, not much to report.  I finally watched the Boondock Saints and I loved it.  I also watched Toy Story 3 last ngiht, and cried a little.

But that's not the point of this blog.  I'm blogging because I don't know how long it's going to be until my next one, and I thought I should warn you.  My CD drive has been messed up for a while, and my warranty expires on the 23rd, so of course we waited last minute.  Anyway, we're taking to Best Buy today so they can fix it, and I have no idea how long it will take.

Just thought you should know.  See you eventually.

I Hate The Ending Myself, But It Started With An All Right Scene...

From "Disenchanted" by My Chemical Romance.  I actually don't like the song that much, but I love that line.

So, recap of the week.  Monday in drama we found out that administration thinks we have too much shit, and we have to stop using the prop hall, because god forbid the drama class uses the auditorium.  That just pisses me off.  But anyway, we obliged, and I got put in charge of getting everything moved form the Prop Hall into the prop hall closet, which, although it is half the size of the prop hall, we somehow had to fit in all of the stuff already in it, and all the stuff form the prop hall.  But I did it, and I did a damn fine job of it too.

Since then in drama we've watched Monty Python and played reindeer games.  On Friday we split into groups lead by us drama four kids, and we rehearsed skits that we were going to do tomorrow, but tomorrow's already been snowed out, so I guess we're going to do them on Tuesday, or whenever we get back.  John Kinsey found my skit, and it's pretty funny, but I not funny enough I'm going to type out a description, because I'm lazy.

We had a party in Floral Design on Thursday, and it was fun, although Daniel missed it because he's been pretty sick the last little bit.  Nothing particularly good happened in Psychology or Science.  I read The Hunger Games, and it was amazing.

This weekend we went to Owensboro to shop.  I got almost all of my Christmas shopping done.  I got Morgan the West Side Story soundtrack on vinyl for, get this, 45 cents.  True story.  They have this place called the Book & Music Exchange, and it makes The Great Escape look pitiful.  that place is awesome.  Anyway, I got her that, and some Reptar stuff at Hot Topic.  I got Katelynn some nail polish, which she is also getting me, I got Sydney the Burlesque soundtrack, and I got Erin a bracelet that's got music charms on it.  Mom's picking Ashton up some earrings, and John Kinsey a hat, and I ordered Joseph a movie.  So, pretty much done except for my parents.

I've Tasted Blood And I Want More (More, More, More)

"Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me" from Rocky Horror of course.

So I went to the other production of 12th Night last night.  I sold tickets so I wouldn't have to pay to get in, and so I could stay for the cast party.  I sold them with Brooklyn and John, so we definitely had fun.  And the first two acts of the play were good, and so was act five, but I didn't see the rest.  Me and John walked around the school and went in Dooley's room to listen to music and talk and stuff.  And the cast party was fun too, although I made Ashton cry, which made John cry again, and it was a big mess.  That was my last cast party though.  It's just so incredibly crazy to think that.

It's Curtain Call, I'm About To Take My Last Bow...

"Calling All Cars" by Senses Fail.  Good song.  True story.

So, last night was one of the saddest nights of my life.  I performed for the very last time on Edmonson County High School's stage.  I'll start from the beginning.

After school Robert, Erin's boyfriend, drove me and her to Dairy Queen to meet up with everybody.  I, of course, made everybody sad by pointing out that that was my very last pre-show Dairy Queen trip.  Then we went back and got ready for the play and all that jazz, and then we did warm-ups.  Aaron let me lead them since they would be my last.  Then, when they were over and we were standing there all holding hands, Dooley let me say a few words, and I thanked everyone for helping make drama what it was for me.  John, Erica, and Erin cried.

Then we did the play.  I was incredible.  I put more emotion into it then I ever had before, because I knew it was the last chance I had to impress people.  And then it was over.  The seniors got up on the bower for our bow, and we called Aaron up there to give him his Director's candy, and Dooley up there for her flowers.  I stepped off stage and I just started crying.  It was ridiculous.  It didn't help that I literally began and ended my acting career on that bower.

But of course when people saw me crying they cried too.  And I got A LOT of hugs.  A lot.  It's so hard though.  I'm never going to do that again.  That's what all four years of high school have centered around for me, and I can barely imagine not doing it again.  And that auditorium has so much history for me.  I got my first kiss there, I got asked to prom there, I almost made a guy cheat on his girlfriend there, I've done so many things there.  Met so many people, made so many friends, made so many enemies.  And now it's over.

I had a great run though.  30 Reasons Not To Be In A Play, Romeo You Idiot, The Least Offensive Play In The Whole Darn World, Our Town, 12 Angry Women, How To Succeed In High School Without Really Trying, and 12th Night.  Not counting doing things here and there for The Lion King, Tom Sawyer, and The Complete History of America Abridged.  And all the shows I've seen there, The Weird Sisters, A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon, 12 Angry Men, Check Please Take 3, and the other version of 12th Night, plus School house Rock Live and Beauty & The Beast next semester, and drama camp last year.

So many memories.