When Children Have To Play Inside So They Don't Disappear...

Calling All Angels. Train. Download that shit.

Anyway, I apologize for that post last night, but I'm not going to delete it. I was hurting, and I just needed to vent, and that's part of me, so I'm leaving it.

Anywhoo, the point of this blog is www.facade.com. I just did my full personal...thing. Whatever it's called. Profile, I think. But, I digress. It's kinda scary. For one thing, my tarot card is Hierophant. Faith in tradition and the old school. My rune, Algiz is symbolic of the elk, and the thrill of the hunt. How many times, I ask you, have I worried that I'm only interested in the thrill of the hunt?

Since I put Brittany into both slots, my Private Persona and Public Role are the same. For words that embody my prescense I got succubus, among several others. I have referred to myself as a succubus several times in the past year or so. In the words that embody the people or things in my periphery, which I assume to mean my friends, I got a few scary words. Anonymity, Crimson, Darkness,and Mirror. Mirror is bad because it is both positive and negative.

I'm reading some of the explanations for this stuff, and it's talking about numerology. I find it extremely ironic that the numeric value for romance is 69. Coincidence? Good question.

Here's the link if you want to look at all that for yourself: http://www.facade.com/personal/profile/?Name=Brittany&Birthname=Brittany&Nickname=Brittany&Month=12&Day=27&Year=1992

Myspace: A Memoir

I refresh my page, everytime hoping I'll have new message from you. Of course, I never do, because that would mean you care enough about me to send me a message, and we both know that there's know way that will ever happen. Every time I hear the instant message sound, I hope it's from you. It never is. I would send you a message, but I'll keep checking to see if you read it, and everytime I read the word 'unread' it feels like my heart's falling out of my chest. And sometimes, only sometimes, I'm stupid enough to look at your profile. There I am, slowly creeping down your friends, while you've always remained the same. And every time I do this, I realize how little i matter to you, and my heart breaks all over again. Only a few months ago, there would've been a new message from you, every single time. That instant message would have been from you. I would send you a message and barely a minute would go by before you had at least read it. And, once upon a time, I had a spot above most of your "guys" and every single one of the girls. All of them. And I loved you. I opened myself up to you, let you in where no one else had ever been. You knew everything, and now you act like you know nothing, and now? now I hate you, and that is the truth. I hate you.

The Original Ending To Paranormal Activity

This one isn't on the DVD, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't shown in theatres. Me and Joseph were talking about the alternate ending, and he described something I hadn't seen, so I had to find it. Youtube was no help, and it took me forever to finally find this, so here it is

http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/32196/Paranormal_Activity___Alternate_Ending/

They Will Not Control Us, We Will Be Victorious

Muse, Uprising. Sort of the V theme. Good song, download it.

So, Erin came over and chilled yesterday because she didn't want to be home by herself. Since she lives next to a probably prostitute, I don't blame her for not feeling safe there alone. Anyway, she got here around ten, and we chilled until three something, then we took her home. We mostly just gossipped and watched How To Deal. She's into Sarah Dessen too.

That morning, before she got here, I got on myspace and Tony im'ed me. We talked for a while too, and then Erin got here, and I got off. After she left I got on again, and he was on, and guess what? He im'ed me. I talked to him on and off until one thirty in the morning. Yeah. Tamara broke up with him again. So, I guess he's going after me, because he was most definitely no doubt about it flirting with me.

Another weird thing that happened yesterday. Well, not weird exactly, just kind of odd. Joseph called me and we talked for three hours. Yeah. I mean, not in an "Oh he called me!" way. It's just neither of us are phone people, so it's kind of weird. He's convinced Tony wants me back. So, yay! Not. I don't think i want him back. I know I thought I did, but I think I'm just interested in Jared now. Besides, Jared actually knows and likes things I'm interested in. Tony, well, doesn't. Oh the dilemma.

Oh, Jake im'ed me last night. He sent me a link and told me to read it. I did. As you may or may not have heard by now, The Rev, the drummer form Avenged Sevenfold, died on Monday. He was only 28. Celebrities keep dying. Ever since summer or so. John Hughes, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, David Carradine, Ed McMann, Patrick Swayze, Brittany Murphy, and now The Rev.

Today G-ma JoAnn and I went to Leitchfield. Mom didn't go because she was all headachy, but we're going to Bolwing Green on Thursday, so it's all good. I had a bout $150 in Christmas money. So, I bought quite a bit. I got 500 Days Of Summer, Paranormal Activity, Just After Sunset (a Stephen King short story collection), and an adorable purple tank top that has a tiny little ruffle thing on the front. It was only five dollars. So, I spent $55 dollars already... Bought I got some awesome shit to show for it. Oh, and Mom bought me Glee Volume 1 for my birthday. Can't wait to watch that stuff.

It's A Brand New Day (All The Birds Are Singing That You're Gonna Die)

Bit of a Dr. Horrible song there.

So, my birthday went fine I suppose. Boring, but whatever. G-ma Carolyn gave me a bottle of Britney Spears perfume, a giant hershey kiss, and a ten dollar bill. G-ma JoAnn gave me a ten dollar bill. I think it kind of pissed her off because G-ma Carolyn gaveme a bunch more than she did. G-pa gave me a puppy calendar and twenty-five dollars. I've got about one fifty now.

I'm getting my gift from the rents on Tuesday. It's Glee: Road To Sectionals. It doesn't come out until then, and that's the only reason I'm not getting it until then.

We watched The Proposal today. It was really really funny. But, I love Ryan Reynolds, so I'm going to say that probably no matter what.

Happy Birthday To Me, Happy Birthday To Me

I don't know what time it is where you are, faithful reader, but it's a little past midnight here. Which means that I am officilly 17 now. I don't feel any different. I always thought 17 was the golden age. I mean, in books and movies, about 85% of characters in books and movies that i read and watch are 17. It's the age when great things happen.

Of course, maybe the Jared thing is going to be a great thing, and it started a day early. OK, I couldn't even use fake optimism there.

So far, I've watched some King of the Hill, ate some cereal, and facebooked. Boring. I'll blog again later today.

You're A Hot Mess And I'm Lovin' It (Lovin' It)

So, it's the day after Christmas. I've never cared for the day after Christmas. It's just all the work leading up to Christmas, and then BAM! It's all over and people are already preparing for Valentine's Day. But, whatever.

We watched Ice Age 3 last night. Mom got it for Christmas. It was funny, like the other two. Today we got Godfather's and rented movies. Well, I rented movies because I was felling nice, and because I wanted to see all three. We got GI Joe, X Men Origins and The Proposal. We've already watched GI Joe and I watched X Men. GI Joe was kind of disappointing. Although Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Brenden Frasier were in it, so that made it kind of worthwhile. X Men was really good. But, then again, I'm biased, because two of my favorite people were in it. Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds. But, Wade Wilson totally gets the shaft, and he only has a few shots where he's still cute and not all bald and mouthless.

Oh, I put my movie thing off. For one thing, Austin's not here, and I feel bad going without him. For another, I kind of neglected my duties in this whole thing by not calling anyone about it. So, I shall be rescheduling it as soon as I can figure out when everybody can go. Which will be tough because Morgan's church is going into revival. They seem to do that a lot, but who am I to judge?

Oh, and I think that Jared and I were quite possibly flirting over facebook earlier. He told me happy early birthday, and then we just kinda talked about texting and Christmas and other stuff. We stayed pretty light and flirty the whole time. I just wonder why Stephanie dumped him.

It's A Wonderful Life (Isn't It?)

So, today is Christmas. It started out amazing. I got a laptop, and as a matter of fact that's what I'm typing on now. But if you're a faithful reader, you already knew that, like I did. Anyway, yesterday we did the Christmas Eve with the crazy G-pa thing. He got me a stuffed monkey, $75 dollars, and a $25 Barnes And Noble gift card. Also, as my one Christmas Eve present, I opened Moulin Rouge. It was the special edition too. I watched it last night too, for the first time since summer. I love that movie.

This morning I got this laptop, Glee 2, A giant clothespin, 2 grab bags from the Great Escape, a 2 gig camera card, and a book called 501 Movies To Watch. Pretty good if you ask me. In my stocking I got an adorable little bunny, a hoodie for my cell phone, a little case thing in the shape of a boombox.

Then we had the laptop scare. Something messed up while it was trying to do recovery disks, and we thought it was permanently messed up. However, Dad somehow got it working again.
Obviously.

We just got home from Mom's family. It was boring an uneventful, like it always is. I got ten dollars cash and a twenty five dollar Barnes And Noble gift card. Mom got mad because me and Dad were ready to leave way before she was. As usual. But, pretty good day, all in all.

Merry Christmas, faithful readers.

Tap Dance In The Rain (Everything's On Sale)

I totally just pulled that title out of my ass, but it sounds pretty cool.

Our Internet was out from the middle of Tuesday til the middle of today. It sucked. But, I went shopping yesterday and today, and that was fun.

On Tuesday, there was a ridiculously hot guy in Wal-Mart. He looked like a skinnier cuter version of Mikey Keene. He was wearing a Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster shirt, so I know he had good taste in music. But silly me, I didn't talk to him. He totally checked out my ass too, because I was wearing my good ass jeans.

Oh, I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. I bought Mom the first three movies in that one Hallmark series that has Katherine Heigl in it. They had a three disc thing at wal-mart for thirteen bucks. I bought Dad the Matrix movies in the same thing. Then I bought myself a grey and black tiger striped long sleeve t shirt and a black tank top. I wore them today and they were really cute.

Today we went to Bowling Green. Of course, I wore my black flats like I do every single time, and by the time I got home, I was swearing that I'll never wear them shopping again. I bet I will. But, I digress. I bought How To Deal at the Great Escape for $1.58. That amazed me. Mom bought me a laptop. Gateway. But, I don't get it until Christmas, and Dad doesn't know that I know about it, because Mom was supposed to drop me off at Barnes And Noble while she got it, but she though I should help pick it out. We went to the mall, and sadly, Jacob was there. Luckily, Ben, Erin, Loren, and some guy named Robert that goes to my school was there as well, so I wasn't alone with him at any point in time.

I got the coolest clock at Hot Topic. It's Alice in Wonderland, and it's got the Mad Hatter in the background, and the hands are halves of scissors. It makes this weird whirring type clicky sound. I'll get used to it, I'm sure. I bought three books at Barnes and Noble. Demon Princess, Get Well Soon, and My Fair Godmother. I hope they're good.

So, I'm talking to Morgan on facebook, and I told her to be honest, was Aaron always a douche and was I just to love struck to see it. Apparently, he was. I feel really stupid. I never saw it, not once. I thought I knew this guy so well, and it turns out that he's a completely different person. I have to wonder if maybe I fell in love with this idea of him, and from there I just kind of ran with it.

Brick By Boring Brick

So, I surprised myself this morning.

I woke up a bit ago, ate some pancakes, turned Sirius on, and then got on the computer. Myspace, more specifically, because my igoogle homepage told me I had a message on there. It was from Aaron, nothing special though, just the one we've had going since the whole douchebag episode. Anyway, after I replied to that I had nothing to do, so I went to his page to see if I'm still four.

I am not.

To his credit, I am still on there, and he only has a top ten, but now I'm eight. Out of ten. Still the first girl.

I surprised myself though, when I realized I didn't care all that much. I mean, the part that wants to be friends with him again cared a little, but the part of me that loved him, or thought loved him, didn't even seem to notice.

I'm really happy about this. This is a big step to me finally completely being over him.

Jingle Bells (Batman Smells)

So, Friday night we had Christmas at G-ma JoAnn's house. Since nothing particularly awesome happened, I'll just give you the rundown on what I got. Public Enemies (which was significantly worse than I thought it would be, but still pretty good), a button that says I Love Vinyl, a Nightmare Before Christmas keychain, a $15 itunes card, and a blue Kodak camera. I was very surprised about the camera. It's 12 mega pixels, and it takes amazing photos.

Saturday night we went to G-ma Carolyn's house. This is always a laugh, and throughout the night my great grandfather worried about the choking hazards on his stocking stuffers, my Dad rode a stick horse, a Siamese cat fell asleep on me, and my Great Grandfather stole my Dad's candy. The stuff I got there was pretty neat too. I got these slipper boot things that are really fuzzy, these slipper things that are just like the boots but socks, zebra pajamas, adorable earrings, a giant makeup box thing, a $30 Barnes And Noble card, and $75 cash.

Pretty good take if you ask me.

I Don't Want To Change The World (I Just Want To Leave It Colder)

Breaking Benjamin. Hell yeah.

So, Tamara broke up with Tony the other day, but I think they might be back together. So, fuck that shit. I managed to get a ride home with Daniel yesterday, so I didn't have to ride the bus. That was a relief, because I despise the bus.

Right now, I feel like there's nobody for me. Does that make sense? I don't know or care.

It's not like I want a boyfriend exactly, I just want someone to care about me. I mean, yeah, my friends care about me, but that's different. My friends don't really know what's inside my mind.

I guess this is getting back to the Aaron thing. He really was the only person to ever really know and get me. But now... I don't even know. He's different. I'm different. Hell, the world's different. I really wish I hadn't written him that note, because now I wish we weren't friends at all. I thought just being friends with him would be better than nothing at all, but it's not. I mean, like I said a post or two ago, I don't want a relationship with him anymore, but just knowing how I felt about him and all the things we could have possibly been, it just hurts, you know?

I haven't finished my GSA application and it's due the 31st of this month. I guess I'll just focus on that and not worry about people.

Neighborhood #3(Power Out)

Random song playing on Sirius radio. It fit well since all of Edmonson County (except Bee Spring Yay!) had no power Friday. But, I digress.

So, I'm not really pissed at Aaron anymore. I talked to Douglas about it, and in his I'm-Douglas-The-All-Knowing-All-Powerful way, he pretty much told me that was the way Aaron was. The thing is, I knew this, but he'd never been like that with me. I mean, I'm not much on etiquette, but jeez that was not the time.

At least one good thing that came out of that is that I'm over him. I know I've said that numerous times, but he just isn't the same guy I fell in love with, and I don't want to have feelings for this new Aaron. I'll be his friend, but nothing more, even if he wanted it, which I doubt since he's a douchebag now.

A new development, I have discovered that I dislike Tamara, which is Tony's girlfriend. I have no reason not to. I also believe that she's not good for him. But, whatever.

Ooh, Joseph got me Chicago for Christmas. I do so love that movie.

I Cannot Believe...

...That motherfucking douchebag.

So, you know how I said last night that I had sent him that message, but he didn't respond because he wasn't on?

Well, while on itunes this afternoon I snuck on myspace to see if he responded. He had.

He said something along the lines of never wanting to see me again. My heart seriously stopped beating, and without being melodramatic at all, I felt like my world was caving in on me.

So, I go to my room, yank everything out of my closet, turn the music up really loud and called Austin. Which I have not done in a long time.

I cried to. I hardly EVER cry. Austin was shocked, so he got on my myspace to read the message. Douchebag had messaged me back (I had responded with "What the fuck is going on with you?"), telling me he was just kidding about not wanting to see me again, but that he thought it was lame I brought up the friend thing in a letter instead of just talking about it.

Fucking ASSHOLE. He made me CRY. I NEVER EVER cry over boys.

I think I might hate him.

Vitamin R (Leading Us Along)

Good song. By Chevelle. Anyway, to the good stuff.


So, last Monday I got really pissed off about something that I can't even remember now, and I wrote Aaron this note telling him that I think it is really stupid that we aren't friends anymore, and then at the end of it I told him we could go back to being friends like we were, or this fake friendship thing we have going on can end. One or the other, and he has to pick. I didn't think I'd give it to him.

Then Friday night rolled around. He was in Tom Sawyer, the Drama I play. It kinda sucked, but that's beside the point. I sat with Erin and his little sister Loren. I got pissed all over again, and so after the play, when the actors came out into the audience, I gave it to him. Then I promptly tried to leave, but instead had a panic attack in the back corner of the auditorium. I scared the shit out of Dalton and Erin.

So, I was totally dreading today all weekend. I couldn't even properly enjoy The Men Who Stare At Goats with Austin. Really good movie by the way, although it's mostly about LSD. But it has Ewen McGregor and George Clooney in it. Anyway, I get to school this morning, and he's not even there. He's not, as a matter of fact, going to be back all week because he's sick. So, while cleaning up the auditorium during fourth block with a few other drama kids, I said something about not being able to talk to him about it for a week, and Dooley comes up behind me and says "Oh, talk to him about that note you gave him?"

So apparently, he talked to her about it, but not me. I'm very confused about that. However, I just sent him a message on myspace saying, "I gotta know, do you hate me or are we good again?"

Suckage.